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HOD SELECT: Online Dating 101

with

Kat Harris

Kat discusses being a single woman in her 30s, online dating, dating apps, and debunking myths of christians using dating platforms.

Introduction

Kat Harris is a Brooklyn-based speaker, digital content creator, female empowerment advocate...She loves Jesus, a good Beyoncé dance party, + has an affinity for Ranch dressing (don't take it away from her!). Her vision is for women to know their beauty, identity and value.

In terms of dating, she has experienced growth and transformation in this area. She used to feel shut down to her sexuality, terrified of rejection and doubted she could ever have the type of relationship she truly longed for. Through lots of self-work, counseling, and practice she moved from fear to freedom in dating. Kat is passionate about sharing the freedom in dating and how it can actually be fun!

She is Co-Founder of the online publication The Refined Woman and host of The Refined Collective Podcast. She believes in the power of story, that done is better than perfect, quality triumphs quantity, and that the journey truly is the destination.

YALL, today Kat and Kait talk about WHY they are PRO online dating...why it is NOT unbiblical...the DO’s and DON’T of your profile. Kat also shares her FAVORITE dating app and top 3 online dating tips!

Is Online Dating Unbiblical?

"Everything is permissible,” but not everything is beneficial” - 1 Corinthians 10:23

This is going to be different for person to person. Technology is NOT evil, it is rather your HEART behind it.

Jesus is always interested in the HEART behind why we are doing what we are doing.

Why are you PRO online dating?

Kat says she asked herself “What it is like to be IN this world but not OF it?”

How can we participate in online dating in a way that is positive?

Online dating gives us a TON of practice-Practice FLIRTING, practice boundaries, practice making CONVERSATIONS with men.

Kait says “Don’t be awkward. You CAN talk to guys and it doesn’t have to to be incredible strange.”

Do you ever feel guilty in your spirit about online dating?

Kat says- NOT AT ALL. God is all about being sexually attracted and TURNED ON by the person we end up with.

Once there is an initial interest ask yourself: Does he love Jesus, does he have a job? If yes, give it a try.

Also, typically guys don’t take always the best photos- keep an open mind.

How can you share about Jesus online that isn’t totally awkward?

Kat says that she ALWAYS incorporates something about FAITH on her profile. Something as simple as “I love Jesus and I hope you do too!”

She does not want to be weird, but she always wants to be CLEAR.

She wants to be in a serious relationship and wants a man who loves Jesus, she is going to be REAL about that.

What should you NOT share on your profile?

You want photos where you look GOOD, but not TOO good.

Kat recommends no true professional photos, take REAL LIFE photos.

NO photos with an ex OR with you and a guy friend.

No group photos, or if you do a group photo let it be the one closer to the end or after a bunch of solo shots.

Kat also says NO PICS of you holding babies.

What are your TOP 3 online dating tips?

1- Be Strategic- AKA be super intentional when you have it. Kat recommends 10 minutes in the morning and 10 minutes in the evening. Do some swipe rights and swipe lefts when you wake up... in the evening do it AGAIN.

2- Get in person ASAP- nobody has time for a penpal!

3-Be CURIOUS- Ask them questions that show you are curious to learn more about their world.

What is your favorite app?

Kat said for her its Coffee Meets Bagel. You can have dealbreaker preferences on there, and at least then you know there is some base level of a share world view.

Dating Stories and Final Dating Nugget

What is your best online dating story?

Kat says she LOVES being matched with people she already knows.

What is your worst online dating story?

Kat shares about a time when she totally got stood up by a guy from an app.

What is your final nugget of dating advice?

Be OPEN to the unexpected.

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Kat Harris

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Kat Harris is the host of The Refined Collective Podcast, and Co-Founder of the online publication The Refined Woman. Her first book Sexless in the City hit bookstores April 2021. She has also been a full-time photographer for the last decade with her work featured in: The New York Times, WWD, Vanity Fair, GQ, Forbes, People, Who What Wear, US Weekly, Glamour UK, and more. 


She coaches and equips women all over the world in dating, relationships, singleness, sexuality, faith and how to build a renewed and healthy biblical sexual ethic rooted in freedom, truth and grace as opposed to the oh-so-common shame and fear narratives so many experienced growing up in evangelical culture. 


Kat loves God, personal development, a good Beyoncé dance party, + is a Ranch dressing connoisseur. She believes in the power of story, that done is better than perfect, quality triumphs quantity, and that the journey truly is the destination. Ultimately, her vision is for women to know their beauty, identity, worth and value and to experience untapped freedom and joy in their lives regardless of their relationship status.


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Website IconPodcast Mic IconInstagram IconFacebook IconLinkedIn IconTick Tok IconTwitter IconYoutube IconCustom Icon

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