This is one of our FAVE parts from this episode! Chandler urges singles to approach the first three months as pure friendshipping—think bowling alleys, roller skating, and dodgeball, NOT late-night prayer-and-fast sessions or pouring your heart out about childhood trauma. Kait and JJ recommend a similar “dating phase”: three months of casual, low-pressure getting-to-know-you before even making things exclusive.

Here’s why it matters: When you escalate your commitment too quickly, you skip the foundation of actual friendship. We love the way Kait put it: Attraction shows up in lots of ways (spiritual, emotional, intellectual, and yes—physical and personality!), but if you just don’t like hanging out with this person, all the shared vision in the world won’t matter.

By keeping things light and honest for a few months, you actually give space for true character to shine.

HOD listeners, we see you! Christian culture often slides fast into the deep end of emotional and spiritual intimacy—group devotionals, praying together about the relationship, or even fasting together after two weeks. (Let’s just say, Pastor Stephen is NOT here for that.) In his words: “Don’t mix ministry and romance. Don’t do it.”

Why? Because that level of spiritual transparency creates a bond—and a pressure—that isn’t always rooted in wisdom. Instead, Chandler recommends bringing mentors, mature couples, and your broader community into the discernment process. Save that level of spiritual intimacy for engagement or marriage, and trust that time will reveal the answers you’re looking for!

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For Chandler, the gold standard is: “You need to see snow, you need to see trees, you need to see grass grow and die.” Translation? You need FOUR SEASONS together. A full year, ideally, before you get engaged. (Yes, even if you’ve been friends for a while!)

A lot of wisdom happens in community: Letting those who really KNOW you be a part of your process, listen for red flags, and speak blessing (or warning) is clutch. Don’t just rely on your “heart”—rely on your people.

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Let’s get practical! Here are some red flags you might be going too fast:

• You’re making major life decisions as a couple after just three months.
• You’re talking engagement or forever-partnership after only a few dates.
• You’re feeling pressure to be vulnerable (emotionally or spiritually) before trust is built.
• You’re talking yourself in and out of the relationship on a weekly (or daily!) basis.

And the ultimate heart-check: If you realize you don’t even know things like… what middle school they went to, but you’re already professing your forever-love? SLOW. IT. DOWN.

HOD fam, rushing real intimacy is a recipe for heartbreak. Tension doesn’t mean you’re broken—it means you care! Instead, savor the friendship, hold your boundaries, listen to people you trust, and give your relationship room to grow roots that last.

You got this! And if you need more wisdom, check out Stephen Chandler’s new book, Relationship Roadmap—it’s FULL of hard-earned gems just like these.

Here’s to healthy pace, deep friendship, and saying “yes” to wisdom above pressure. We’re cheering for you, fam!