So what’s the alternative? Enter the biblical principle of suitability. Going all the way back to Genesis, when God said, “It is not good for man to be alone,” He promised Adam a “helper suitable for him.” Not a helper compatible with his Spotify playlist. Suitable means “fit and right for purpose.” (Thank you, actual dictionary.)

Here’s the shift: Suitability focuses on whether two people are aligned in vision, mission, and calling. Are you both devoted to glorifying God, leaving a legacy, building a family on solid ground, serving people, and chasing after purpose—even if the details look different? Can you help each other fulfill the purpose God has placed on your lives?

That’s what makes a partnership holy, healthy, and worth the work. Suitability isn’t about avoiding conflict; it’s about being equipped to walk through life’s challenges—together, on mission.

Let’s get practical. If you’re shifting your mindset from “Who checks my boxes?” to “Who shares my purpose?”, what questions should you ask? Here are Jamal’s “big three” to navigate the suitability question:

1. Faith: What is their relationship with God actually like (not just in words, but in daily actions)? Is there a real, growing hunger for Jesus? Church attendance is great—but fruit, conviction, and spiritual growth are what matter.
2. Family: How do they want to do family? What’s their view on kids, on gender roles, on work and home balance, on generosity and hospitality?
3. Finances: What are their values about earning, spending, giving, and saving? Are you picturing the same kind of life together?

And Jamal kept it real: don’t expect hyper-specific “purpose statements” from your dates. Instead, look for someone serving, discipling, and seeking God’s heart in practical, often humble ways—whether that’s running a ministry, leading a Bible study, or loving their community in simple, unseen ways.

Don’t get it twisted: attraction and compatibility still matter. Jamal, JJ, and Kait were clear—yes, be attracted to your spouse. YES, enjoy common interests. But these are the dessert, not the main course. People grow, change, and develop new hobbies and tastes. Build on the deeper foundation of suitability, and you’ll find the other pieces can fall (and keep falling) beautifully into place.

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If your only motivation for marriage is “I want to feel less lonely” or “my needs will be met,” pause for a second. Marriage is less about completing your checklist, and more about stepping into a mutual calling—a lifelong partnership to serve God and others.

Ask yourself: Am I preparing for the purpose of marriage, not just the perks? Am I willing to serve, sacrifice, and grow alongside someone, not just chase the good vibes? The answer will shape your dating journey and set you up for the kind of lasting, legacy-building love we all crave.

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