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How am I Still Single and Where is God in the Disappointment?


Christine Caine

Heart of Dating is so excited to welcome the one and only… Christine Caine to the show! On today’s episode, Christine talks about singleness and how to overcome feelings of wanting to just give up. Kait and Christine have an insightful conversation on how we as Christians should truly view the season of singleness and empathetically discuss overcoming the feelings of discouragement within it.

So many singles have been feeling more hopeless than ever before. Especially with COVID, it feels as though dating has been even more difficult. You discuss the concept of “ringing the bell” in your book. Could you tell us a bit more about what that means?

  • Christine discusses that the term came from a military training concept, where when soldiers were doing an exercise, and wanted to give up, they would literally “ring the bell”
  • Everyone in their own way has come to a point when they want to “ring a bell” moment.
  • Christine talks about her testimony and shares about how God showed her through in a time of wanting to simply give up.
  • A lot of people know that they can make another day but they don’t know if they want to. It is a different feeling when you know you can do something but unsure if you want to do it.
  • When being ‘all in’ there is a level of needing to know that there is a possibility of their hearts being broken and getting disappointed and discouraged, but you have to keep going!

What is some advice you would recommend to singles who are in a season of wanting to give up?

  • Christine shares her story of being single into age 30 and empathizes with giving up on the idea of marriage and shares how by her late 20s she felt she didn’t even want to get married.
  • Giving up can be one of two things: Giving up can look like it's never gonna happen or you just want to settle for anything. Both are extremely distracting.
  • Christine discusses the idea of drifting in your heart and what God has for you in your life.
  • “Drifting often comes in the sense that I can no longer see God working in my situation and because I can't trace him, I no longer trust him so I'm gonna take control.”
  • She also discusses the importance of staying obedient to God. “The pain of regret far outweighs the pain of obedience.“
  • People who panic and take control of themselves experience way more painful regrets than those people who have chosen God’s way and experience pain of obedience.
  • Christine uses an analogy of how when there are currents in the ocean, you have to be careful to not drift away and the way to do this is by stopping and checking your markers. Sometimes being single, all you have to do to not drift is nothing and check your markers to see if you’re where God needs you to be.
  • We all have to obey God and “check our markers” regardless of our relationship status. The bottomline of everything is the relationship with God and you have to ask yourself if Jesus is enough.
  • Many of us are expecting that our partner/spouse will be who God can only be, but Jesus is the only one who completes us. “If you don’t get it from God single, you’ll never learn to be able to get it married”
“The same Jesus that started this work of salvation in me single is the same Jesus that’s completing salvation in me married.”

What would you tell those who ask themselves “why am I still single?”.

  • The enemy would love you to think that something is wrong with you because he’s always someone that comes after our identity…. don’t let him!
  • Before asking yourself why you may still be single, you have to ask yourself “Are there things in my life that I need to work on? Are there blindspots that God needs me to work on?”
  • As Christ’s followers we want to be fit for kingdom purposes and conformed and transformed to the image of Jesus, single or married.
  • You do not need a partner to complete you or to have an abundant life. You can already live an abundant life now!

What would suggest to singles who feel like they’re doing “everything right” in singleness and are growing weary of waiting?

  • We are first and foremost Jesus followers. That means for all of us, there may be things on this side of eternity that we pray for and believe in and maybe just don’t happen. BUT, we have to ask ourselves “Do we only trust Him to the degree of what we can get from Him?”
  • Christian maturity is about continuing to obey, to be faithful, to continue to live a “Jesus First” life even if we don’t get what we want.
  • Trust that God has a purpose for everything that’s happening, keep your faith and remember that while there’s still breath there’s still hope 
  • Do not stop your life because of discouragement, disappointment, or dissolution.
  • Don’t walk away just because you did not get what you think you wanted the most.
“None of us have nearly as much control in our lives as we think we have.” 

Sometimes we have to grieve the season we’re in. What does true lamenting look like and how do we get there?

  • Denial is way more destructive than going in our emotions and pouring out our heart in God. Being entirely honest doesn't need to be polished and pretty. It only needs to be real.
  • Once we can get an eternal perspective you truly are able to endure the temple process a whole lot better.
  • There is a healing process that happens through lamentation and Contentment is a learning process. You have to go through it looking at an eternal life perspective.
  • Being Christ-like is the ultimate goal of christianity and something happens when you learn to be content in Christ.

What is your final nugget of dating advice?

  • Put yourself out there in appropriate ways.
  • Pursue the goal, who is Jesus.
  • You cannot lose for winning if you throw yourself wholeheartedly to the pursuit of Jesus
  • Seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all of this shall be added.

Christine Caine

Christine Caine

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Christine Caine – Christine Caine is an Australian born, Greek blooded, lover of Jesus, a sought-after international speaker, author and activist. Known for her ability to effectively communicate a message of hope, Christine has a heart for reaching the lost, strengthening leadership, and championing the cause of justice. Together with her husband, Nick, she founded the anti-human trafficking organization,The A21Campaign–a recipient of the Mother Theresa Memorial Award for their work combating human trafficking among refugees. They also foundedPropel Women, an organization designed to celebrate every woman’s passion, purpose, and potential. Christine andNick make their home in Southern California with their daughters, Catherine and Sophia.

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