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Types & Attraction

with

Kait Warman & JJ Tomlin

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On today’s episode, we’re continuing our podcast series with our FAVORITE couple… founder, Kait Warman, and her fiance JJ Tomlin! They’ll discuss the ins and outs of having a type and how preferences can sometimes limit you on your dating journey!

How should we treat having a “type?”

  • JJ and Kait talk about how JJ was not actually Kait’s type at first (even though she DID find him handsome of course!)
  • Kait talks about how sometimes your “TYPE” can be based on childhood wounds.
  • “We form types and preferences as a means to actually medicate the pain that we never truly healed from.” - Kait Warman
  • JJ and Kait discuss how it’s okay to have some preferences, but they  should not be non-negotiables or dealbreakers.
  • Fear has become a driving force behind type.
  • Kait believes that sometimes our idea of type just wounds us even more.
  • If you hand all the love you need from another person, You are giving them all the control and they will just let you down.
  • The healthiest thing to do when it comes to having a type is to hold the preferences that lead to it very loosely.
  • Overall, they encourage you to challenge how much pressure you are putting on “preferences” and to evaluate if it is coming from fear or pain.

What are the 5 Types of Attraction?

  • Emotional Attraction - When you share the hard stuff and you still feel safe with them.
  • Spiritual Attraction - When you feel redirected to God by them.
  • Intellectual Attraction - When you are attracted to cerebral discussions.
  • Personality Attraction - This drives the friendship part of the relationship.
  • Physical Attraction - This is almost like the default of the word attraction.

How important is attraction?

  • You don’t have to be attracted right away to the other person.
  • Challenge yourself to give it another shot even if you don’t feel attracted early on.
  • Think about what element of attraction is showing up when dating.
  • “To the guys, Just challenge yourself and give it an opportunity, The worst that comes out of it is you make a friend.” - JJ Tomlin
  • Do not force anything physical because you think it will drive the physical attraction of the relationship.

Kait’s friend Stephanie May Wilson has an incredible course called Love Your Single Life! Registration for the course only opens up twice a year, and the next time is on Monday, April 4th! You can find out all about the course (and starting Monday you can sign up there too!) at LoveYourSingleLife.com.

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Kait Warman

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Kait Warman is a best-selling author, speaker, popular relationship coach, and the founder of Heart of Dating. She helps thousands of men and women on their journeys through the conversations on the Heart of Dating Podcast, which launched in 2018. 

Through her ministry, Kait’s mission is to empower both men and women to have the courage to own their story, walk in victory, thrive with purpose, and discover clarity and vision in their life and relationships. In her new book, Thank You for Rejecting Me: Transform Pain into Purpose and Learn to Fight for Yourself, Kait vulnerably shares how she grew through her deepest, darkest rejections and offers readers the tools to heal from the past, take back their power, and walk in strength, victory, and love into their future. Kait currently lives in the Los Angeles area and loves sunshine, walks, Jesus, and lip syncing to Celine Dion.

JJ Tomlin

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JJ Tomlin is a missionary kid born in Belgium, originally from Tennessee, and currently residing in the OC. He currently works in Gaming/E-Commerce, enjoys watching his Tennessee Titans on Sundays with his Goldendoodle Teddy and loves working with Christian men to raise the bar in singleness and dating.


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