Kait and JJ get real about the cost of this mindset. Staying in something just because it’s comfortable, familiar, or “not that bad” may feel safe in the moment, but it comes at the expense of actual thriving. Over time, this looks like overlooking red flags, dimming your light, and convincing yourself that you’re asking for too much.

God didn’t design you to be a doormat or to settle. In fact, as Kait says, His vision for you is something much greater—a kingdom marriage that is way more than just “getting by.” If you’re feeling stuck in a comfort zone relationship, pause and ask: Am I confusing being chosen with being truly known? Am I afraid to express my needs out loud?

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Let’s get practical. Safety Seekers are masters at smoothing things over, avoiding difficult conversations, and doing whatever it takes to maintain peace (even if it means losing themselves in the process). But here’s the catch: peacekeeping isn't the same as peacemaking. True peacemaking requires vulnerability and courage—a willingness to name your needs and risk having hard conversations.

If your default is to “not be too much” or you keep shrinking to fit someone else’s preferences, you can end up in exactly the spot you feared: alone in a relationship, your voice unheard.

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Kait drops some truth here: most Safety Seekers lean anxious or disorganized in their attachment style. You might confuse being picked for being truly valued, or you cling to the hope that, as long as you’re not “too difficult,” things will work out. But here’s the good news—having needs is not a bad thing! Healthy relationships are built on sharing needs, expressing emotions, and finding someone who can meet you with reliability and care.

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One last PSA: if you’re a Safety Seeker, a relationship with a Wanderer (someone hot-and-cold, commitment-avoidant, or clarity-resistant) will likely be a recipe for anxiety and pain. You want calm and definition; they bring ambiguity and motion. As JJ says, “Wanderers bring chaos when the Safety Seeker really wants calm.” You’re left feeling abandoned, while they might run from feeling smothered—definitely not a vibe for kingdom marriage.

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Bottom Line: You are not too much. You do not need to settle. God didn’t call you or design you for a half-life version of love. Kait and JJ challenge you—bring your whole self to the table, trust that your needs matter, and raise that bar! Whether you’re single or dating, your identity and worth are not up for debate. You’re invited to a partnership that’s about thriving—not just surviving.

So if you’re ready for growth (and maybe a little hand-holding along the way), check out the Heart of Dating personality quiz, dig into the Basics of Dating program, or join the next School of Dating mentorship. Don’t do this journey alone—let’s start choosing God’s best, together!

You’ve got this, fam. No more “good enough.” Let’s believe for greater.

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