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Men's Minisodes: How To Close It Down Well

with

JJ Tomlin

Join JJ as he gives you some guidelines to close down friendships, friendationships, first dates, relationships, and event engagements well. 

Data

  • Average number of people we date before marraige - 30
  • Average number of dates - 27
  • Average number of rejections - 14
  • Average number of disaster dates - 4 
  • Average number of stand ups - 2
  • Average number of relationships - 4
  • Average number of long term relationships - 2
  • Average number of long distance relationships - 1 
  • All in all, statistically speaking, you will actually have this conversation A LOT more than you realize. 

Guidelines to Abide in to Close it Down Well

  • Seek first to honor before expressing 
  • Be clear in your message 
  • Be aware of the disappointment
  • Play the long term 

Seek First to Honor Before Expressing.

  • Sandwich method…1) Honor, appreciation of them, 2) Message, 3) Honor, appreciation of them
  • This is not done to soften the blow and people please, this is done to call out the good and value you believe they possess and are blessed with. 

Be Clear in Your Message

  • The most loving thing you can do is be clear. 
  • Be clear.. Clarity is KINDNESS, AMBIGUITY is NOT! Ambiguity is one of the most harmful and painful experiences in dating.
  • Do you think you will be grey about your future wife? The mother of your kids? 
  • If you are not ignited after months, guess what? You will never be. 

Be Aware of the Disappointment

  • On both sides. Be aware of yours and hers.
  • Hers - lead with compassion for her, lead with compassion for the pain or sadness
  • Yours - don’t suppress or rage, acknowledge it with Jesus and close friends.

Play the Long Term

  • Could there be some awkwardness? Some emotional pain? For sure. But we play the long term game of hope and expectation to have right relationship.

Litmus Test for if You Closed it Down Well.

  • Could you hold friendship? If not, there might be a problem with how you are leading 
  • Could they date your friend or could you date their friend? If not, there might be a problem with how you are leading 
  • Would they recommend you to a friend or vice versa? If not, there might be a problem with how you are leading 

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JJ Tomlin

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JJ Tomlin is a missionary kid born in Belgium, originally from Tennessee, and currently residing in the OC. He currently works in Gaming/E-Commerce, enjoys watching his Tennessee Titans on Sundays with his Goldendoodle Teddy and loves working with Christian men to raise the bar in singleness and dating.


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