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How to Get Out of Your Head in Dating

with

Kait Tomlin

I used to be so in my head when it came to dating...

“Does he actually like me?”

“Is he texting someone else?”

“I think he’s losing interest in me…”

“Did I say the wrong thing?”

“Maybe I’m not his type…”

“Am I texting too much?”

Does this sound like you?

It’s very human to have dating anxiety as there are so many “unknown” factors involved and anxiety is fear of the unknown.

Understanding attachment theory and knowing your attachment wounds is one of the most powerful things you can do to best understand yourself and how you are showing up in dating.

When I look back on my early years, I definitely leaned anxious attachment in dating. I deeply craved connection and feared any signs of the other person leaving… leading me down a spiral staircase of negative feelings and emotions.

It wasn’t until I decided to take control of my dating life and work towards healing that I could start leaning more secure in relationships.

So if this is you, I encourage you to take note of how you’re feeling when you think those things. Is there a reason behind those feelings stemming from a core wound or trigger? Take the time to acknowledge your feelings in those moments.

The more you practice a new way of thinking, the better you can get at gaining control over your anxieties in dating.

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Communication Anxiety

If you are nervous about if they’re going to message you back or not, or you find yourself downward spiraling as you overanalyze a text, this is what you need to do.

  1. PAUSE. Get into your body. How do you feel? Don’t be afraid to be super specific as to how you’re feeling inside. Take some time to write it out… it may look like this “I feel nervous it won’t work out with him and I’ll be rejected” OR “I feel sad because I really wanted it to work out.”
  2. Get to the bottom of the issue. Are you overthinking to the point of self-sabotage? Maybe I have a wound with rejection and it makes me feel unworthy? What is REALLY causing these feelings?

Whatever it is for YOU, it’s SO good to recognize the feeling and then see where it is coming from. 

It’s SO important to really understand our feelings and then see where they are coming from.

You need to step out of the chaos of your mind and get into your body. When you are able to go deeper, you can then find what is going on behind all the swirling thoughts. From that place, as your heart opens, you can calmly, slowly, and warmly communicate.

Need a little more guidance? We talk ALL about this in School of Dating… we even provide our students with a FULL texting scripts guide. In the meantime, you can check out our NEW FREE DOWNLOADABLE Texting Scripts guide HERE!

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