He's Amazing… But His Theology Is Different

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He's Amazing… But His Theology Is Different

with

Kait and JJ

Today we’re diving into the three tiers of theological differences in dating, as Kait and JJ unpack how to navigate convictions, preferences, and deal breakers when you and your partner don’t see eye to eye.

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In This Blog

Introduction

3 Tiers of Theological Differences (And Why Not Everything is a Deal Breaker!)

So… What Happens When You Don’t Agree?

Living It Out, For Real

Bonus Hot Take:

Final Encouragement

Introduction

Hey HOD family! We are wrapping up this powerhouse season with an episode tackling one of the most whispered, but difficult topics in dating: THEOLOGICAL DIFFERENCES. We are going all in sorting out what really matters when it comes to faith, doctrine, and dating, and how to find a framework when things get complicated.

This is the ultimate episode if you’ve ever found yourself stressed about denominational differences, or you’re wondering if you’re the only one who feels that knot in your stomach about your partner’s theology (01:17). Spoiler alert: You’re not alone!

3 Tiers of Theological Differences (And Why Not Everything is a Deal Breaker!)

Tier 1: The Essentials
These are deal breakers. The non-negotiables, like the gospel, the deity of Christ, resurrection, salvation by grace, and scripture as the authoritative word of God. For a Christ-centered marriage, this foundation has to be shared (00:06, 13:30).
Tier 2: Convictions
This is where most denominational tension lives: baptism, spiritual gifts, church authority, women in ministry, Calvinism vs. Arminianism. These are important, but they’re not reason alone to break up. Instead, you need a plan for navigating them as a couple, especially as questions like where to go to church or how to raise kids come up (00:15, 18:26).
Tier 3: Preferences
The worship style, music, church size, end times theories, views on alcohol. These are the little things some people (maybe you?) are making big things. They don’t have to be deal breakers! Relax and keep things in perspective! (00:28, 22:07)

So… What Happens When You Don’t Agree?

Guys, faith differences aren’t just about ideas; it’s deeply personal (04:03). Pride, not compassion, is usually at the core of the nastiest debates (07:50). It presses on our tenderest places, making even small disagreements feel like someone’s questioning how much we know and love God (10:41). The antidote? Kindness, curiosity, and humility!

Some of the toughest conflict comes from:

Catholic/Protestant pairings ("Are we even both Christians?" The answer: YES, if you’re aligned on Tier 1! 14:23)
Charismatic vs. Cessationist dating (Spiritual gifts, worship style, and “God told me…”. You need a plan and mutual respect 31:05)
Calvinist vs. Arminian relationships (You CAN date and marry across this line, just don’t let it become a pride thing or make each other feel lesser 37:43)

Living It Out, For Real

Let’s get practical! If you find yourself in a partnership with theological differences:

Ask yourself: “What tier is this?” (23:04)
For Tier 1, it’s okay to walk away.
For Tier 2, get honest (and a little strategic!): Where will you go to church? What about kids? What about holiday traditions? (40:19)
For Tier 3, let it go. Consider setting differences aside!
Look out for constant compromising—is it always one person bending? Long-term, that’s a red flag (42:38).

Bonus Hot Take:

If you wait for 100% theological alignment, you’ll be single forever (43:27). Even if you check all those boxes, life will hand you a brand new set of things to work through. Perfection is a myth in relationships!

Final Encouragement

Please, please talk about this stuff earlier rather than later (44:00)! The kindest way to love each other is to be upfront and clear, and to always lead with respect and curiosity, even when you disagree (44:22). The church should be a beacon of loving disagreement, not division (45:00). Let’s live it out, HOD fam.

Next week, we’re kicking off Season 19! Thanks for hanging with us through all the in-the-gray convos. We’re honored to walk with you through every tough, sticky, holy moment in your dating journey.

Check out the transcript!!: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1dVuFhT57TYyRnR3hmkkP0o_ydJdN1PFDww6IHLbldc0/edit?usp=sharing

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