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When Dating Feels like Chronic Disappointment

with

Kristie Christie

Heart of Dating welcomes Kristie Christie to the show! She was a fan favorite during our conference and we just had to bring her back! Kristie has a heart for inspiring people of all relationship statuses to live wholeheartedly in every season and is a good friend of Kait’s! She also works for Compassion International recruiting and equipping communicators to create transformation for children living in extreme poverty. Kristie and her husband David live in Calabasas, California where they do not keep up with the Kardashians.—basically, they’re 30 going on 80

On today’s episode Kait and Kristie talk about what to do when dating feels like chronic disappointment and discuss marrying a little bit later in life, how to thrive in singleness, and even discuss how to handle ghosting and rejections!

Could you share a little a bit about your story of disappointment in dating?

  • The culture has set artificial time frames that are causing us to believe we have a timeline requirement when it comes to finding a spouse.
  • Don’t be stressed out by the “ring by spring” idea
  • Kristie talks about how marriage is wonderful, however she truly enjoyed her dating season and wouldn’t change her timeframe.
  • She shares her story of frustration being single and lamenting to God about it.
  • God isn’t a genie in a bottle and He doesn’t promise marriage but He does tell us to bring our desires to His feet
  • Kait shares about the power of singleness and even her own testimony of God bringing her out of her biggest dating disappointment
  • They discuss Lysa Terquerst’s book “It’s not supposed to be this way and the quote “Disappointment is not necessary proof that God is holding good things for us, sometimes it’s His way of leading us home” 
  • God cares about our desire in marriage, but when we put our hope too much in something that isn’t God, we start to think the lie that He doesn’t care or He isn't good.
  • Disappointments aren’t up to God, they are coming from the brokenness of this world, but He does take broken pieces and makes them according to His will.
  • It’s important to not let your self-critical voice speak to you and let shame sink in when you feel emotions of disappointment.
  • “Life doesn’t perform in the way we expect it to”
  • We’re never alone, Jesus weeps with us when we’re upset. 
  • We have to remain gentle. Disappointment can make us hard, so we have to be able to remain soft and let the next person get to know us. 

Why do people ghost?

  • You don’t deserve to be ghosted, however in this digital age it’s more and more common.
  • Be careful to not personalize the experience as it being all about you, or the other person. If it happens don’t let it define your future experiences in dating.
  • Just as you hate ghosting, make sure to not ghost others.
  • Don't use the “I don’t want to hurt their feelings” just to get out of an uncomfortable conversation.
  • Ghosting is an immature way to end a relationship, and if you’re ghosted… just be grateful you saw who they are.
  • Because there are no words in ghosting, we start to personalize or create assumptions… be wary of that. 

How can we find a light in the tunnel of disappointment?

  • We have to reshape our view of what life is supposed to be. 
  • We have the American dream and gospel mixed up.
  • We think we have a lifestyle we have to acquire.
  • What does it mean to love, follow, and trust God without condition?
  • “Trusting God is the surrender of all conditions”
  • There’s a way to balance our feelings, but also there’s a way to find where to put our hope in!
  • Align our hearts with God and grieve for what grieves Him. That’s where the wellspring of life is.

What is your final nugget of dating advice?

  • Do the work of grief so you can be gentle, because bitterness isn’t attractive. Find a way to be whole, be healed, and reframe the plan God has for your life.
  • Give your life daily to Christ in communion with Him. Be curious of what might come but don’t be desperate for it. 

Connect with Kristie Christie

Website  |  KristieChristie.com

Instagram  |  @kristiechristie 

Facebook  |  @mynameiskristiechristie

Shop  |  Revibrant Kids

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