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Am I Enough? Seeking Approval and Validation in Dating

with

Lindsey Maestas

Heart of Dating welcomes Lindsey Maestas to the show today! We are so excited to welcome her on as she is the host of The Living Easy Podcast where she discusses faith and relationships and gives women ideas, opportunities and practical tips for real change!Lindsey is also a lifestyle blogger, speaker, wife and momma of two boys based in Albuquerque, NM. Her work has been featured in Huffington Post, Relevant Magazine, Faithit, Focus on the Family, Better Homes & Gardens and more. She loves to read, eat tacos and binge-watch Netflix with her husband. You can follow her on Instagram, Facebook and Pinterest or visit her blog at sparrowsandlily.com.

She speaks vulnerably about the challenges of relationships and real life while sharing practical wisdom and tips. On today’s episode her and Kait talk about her struggles as she sought out validation from others in place of God. She also shares her story of abuse, and how she found Christ after a long journey of toxic relationships and searching for wholeness.

How do we find contentment and surrender in  the season of waiting, even in this season of COVID?

  • In order to find joy in “the later”, we need to re-shift our perspective and what our hearts are set on and keep our minds on the kingdom and not on the world.”
  • Lindsey talks about it’s important to be in this world but not of this world and be a light.
  • God does want to give us the desire of our hearts but it’s still important to see what our motives are. Ask yourself what you’re longing for and why.
  • When we’re so self focused and just looking internally, “To be holy as Jesus is holy is to have holy motives”
  • “When you put a good thing in front of a God thing is when things start to get a little bit jumbled” 

Could you share a little bit of what your dating journey looked like before you met your husband?

  • Lindsey said it was a mess, because from a very young age she wanted to be seen.
  • She shared her story of being abused and raped at age 14 at a high school party.
  • After facing that trauma, she tried to cope by feeling wanted.
  • All of her relationships past her trauma were long term relationships, but the focus of them was sex and intimacy because she felt that’s what kept guys around.
  • Lindsey felt she needed someone around all the time and jumped from relationship to relationship.
  • She then started searching for religion to help heal her heart, she felt empty… finally, she called out to Jesus and He restored and healed her.
  • 2 Corinthians 5:17  “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!”
  • Lindsey talked about how she gave her virginity back to Christ and decided that the day she gave her life to Christ, she was beginning a new life in Him.
  • No relationship or experience of intimacy will ever fill a void that can only be filled by Jesus Christ.

Did you idolize relationships or male attention? Could you share about your journey with that?

  • The desire to be seen isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but you can’t idolize it.
  • Don't believe that you have to get married really young. 
  • The Christian culture promotes the idolatry of marriage and you have to be careful not let that create anxiety in your hearts.
  • “If you’re getting married for sex, then that’s like buying an airplane for a pack of peanuts”
  • It’s the day to day that matters in a marriage, so don’t settle or jump into marriage for a small aspect of it.  
  • If you idozilize being in a relationship, it’s going to disappoint you when you get it.
  • “Happy is the wife and happy is the husband whose love is secondary to their love for Christ”
  • Lindsey shares she ended up marrying a long time friend at age 21 who she actually wasn’t initially attracted to him. 

How do you guard your heart and manage expectations?

  • The relationships we have before our husband or wife do not go away. If you give a piece of your heart away, it stays with you.
  • If your priority isn’t Jesus to satisfy that longing in your heart, you will be disappointed and it will hurt your marriage.
  • You have to have a foundation in Jesus for every relationship. Realize that He alone can satisfy.
  • There’s two sides of this, either we settle or have too high expectations, both are important to manage. You can’t marry potential and you can’t box God into what He wants to do in your life. 
  • Being honest with ourselves, honest with the Lord, and honest with others is key.
  • Ask yourself if your expectations are biblical? “Are you giving the grace that Jesus is given them or are you holding them up to a higher standard?”

What’s your final nugget of dating advice?

  • Hold onto what you know is true. You have a guideline for your marriage in scripture.
  • Worship him in lieu of worshipping dating. 
  • Let expectations be squashed by Christ’s name. There is so much joy in a God-centered relationship.

Other Resources:

Other Resources:

Find Lindsey on Instagram HERE

Find Lindsey's Podcast HERE

Read Lindsey's blog HERE

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