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Dating As a Black Woman

with

Tiffany McLeain

Heart of Dating welcomes one of Kait’s good friends to the show today! Tiffany McLeainn is an entertainer, speaker and Bible scholar based in Los Angeles.While in pursuit of a PhD, Tiffany has a passion for discovering ways to point to the story of Jesus through conversation, relationships, speaking, worship and Biblical Languages.She has a background in live performance theatre, stage management, group teaching and leading worship.

Tiffany is currently documenting her journey to financial freedom at @ghettogazelle on Instagram, starting her 25th year of vegetarianism, committed to an hour of prayer and meditation everyday and patiently waiting for John Mayer to announce his next tour.

On this episode Tiffany and Kait get #real about dating as a black woman in today’s world as well as discuss how we can react to ongoing events in regards to racism and injustice.

How has the color of your skin impacted your dating life?

  • Tiffany talks about how since she was little she started to realize that couples in the media are grouped with color.
  • She was programmed to think that black goes with black and white goes with white. 
  • She does say that she grew up in Los Angeles, which is a big melting pot so she personally hasn’t experienced issues in dating when it comes to the color of her skin that she knows of.

How has your experience been going to a primarily white church and your relationships with people in it?

  • She shares how black people will recognize when they walk in the room and are the only black person there.
  • She talks about how she is one of two black women in her church and while she is blessed she has not felt uncomfortable in that seeing she also says that it’s because the black community makes it that way. They make it so that their white brothers and sisters don’t feel uncomfortable around black people. 
  • “The Lord loves color, that’s why we’re all different colors, and we need to all learn to see it”
  • She talks about how saying “I don't see you as black” is a negative thing to say. “Just because you don’t see me as black doesn’t mean I’m not black”.
  • Differences are important to know and now is the time to sit and have those conversations in the church. 
  • “Stand up more often when you see something that is sensitive to someone”


What are your thoughts of people who say they have a “preference” when it comes to dating someone of a different culture or skin color?

  • Tiffany got real about her experiences and talked about how she previously had hesitations dating a latin man because of a bad experience she had. That built stereotypes.
  • A lot of times, people are hesitant because of where they grew up and their cultural atmosphere.
  • At the core of saying “I rather not date someone this color” there's a level of being uncomfortable in which someone is not willing to go through.
  • Some people may be afraid of what their family will think and are afraid to lose that level of comfortability. 
  • Jesus was oppressed and befriended the “outcasts” of biblical times. 
  • “The way Jesus lived His life was not comfortable”.
  • Dig deep into why you feel you have that preference and let God open your heart to more possibilities. Reevaluating your list of preferences for character should come first.

As a black woman what would you like to see the church do in this time?

  • It shouldn’t be that non-Christ followers are louder than us. 
  • We need to be hurt when we don’t see God not being glorified. God made color for a reason and if we aren’t seeing his love at the center of it all, then we should be upset about it.
  • If we’re starting at the foundation of love, then everything will fall into place. 
  • “We need to look at people through the eyes of the Lord”
  • “Love requires being uncomfortable. If you love someone you’re ok with being uncomfortable for them sometimes.”

What is your final nugget of dating advice?

  • Listen to what the Lord is telling you. Let Him guide you because this is all about Him anyway.

Other Resources:

Follow Tiff on Instagram HERE

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