JJ brings on a special guest, Kait Tomlin to talk about compatibility, and the fairytale list we make up in our heads looking for the one.
Imaginary List That Doesn’t Exist (sounds amazing, but is a fairytale):
Hey hey hey Heart of Dating MEN! We’re so pumped you’re tuning into another mini mansode, we’re so excited you’re here! Today honestly, it’s a banger of an episode, truly. This is going to be a really good episode to be able to share with your friends. This is the video that JJ wished he’d had when he was a single man. Today we’re talking about THE ONE. Are you looking for the one? Is there even one out there? The best part?? We’re bringing on a special guest, the one and only Kait Tomlin!
In the US, the dominant theology of singleness and choosing a partner is this. Your individual rights and happiness are the top priority, so finding a partner who RESPECTS your individual rights and happiness is the TOP PRIORITY.
People are trying to make themselves HAPPY instead of HOLY. They’re trying to be happy in marriage instead of letting marriage refine them and make them holier. However, we DO think that you should be happy in your marriage too. The goal of marriage is NOT that you’re getting married because it’s super convenient for your life, it makes you super happy, and this person just fits perfectly into every single thing you want.
So often we hear “compatibility” and think about lifestyle preferences instead of CHARACTER compatibility. We end up looking at, if they like the same things you do, if they want to live in the same place you do, if they like the same music and the same hobbies you do and really the CONVENIENCE of that person perfectly fitting into your already established life.
Marriage is to make you HOLY not HAPPY. This quote shouldn’t just be a nice fun quote you’d seen on instagram, it should DEEPLY impact how you approach and view dating, relationship, engagement, and ultimately, marriage.
Another huge part of this is that a lot of men really desire a woman that will be like a “bro” to them. They want someone who will go golfing, watch football, play video games with them AND be happy doing that. This was something Kait and JJ ran into in marriage. Kait has absolutely no desire whatsoever to do those things, however she does compromise on her end to do those things sometimes. JJ also compromises to do things Kait loves sometimes, like going to Disneyland. We should normalize doing things with your partner that you don’t love to do.
However, there is an UNREALISTIC expectation that guys, you’re going to marry a girl who loves football, likes to go golf, wants to play video games with you, AND she’s not very high maintenance, and doesn’t have many emotional outbursts. There are SOME women out there like that, however it’s not the majority.
A marriage with a woman like we described above does NOTHING but enhances and upgrades his life. What’s happening in this scenario is that you’re coming to marriage for it to fulfill you.
The foundation of this episode is that your partner’s inconveniences and flaws are the greatest tool to destroy and uproot SELFISHNESS in your life.
Join Kait and her Fiance, JJ Tomlin, for this episode where they discuss the topic of having a "type" and how preferences can sometimes hold you back in dating!
Gary Thomas joins Kait and JJ for a deep dive into how to have a shame-free and godly foundation of sex.
Greg Coles is a single, gay Christian who joins the show to discuss his journey, his story, and how we can best love our LGBTQ+ brothers and sisters.
Wondering where all the eligible Christian Singles are? Join Kait for this minisode as she debunks the myth that there are none out there.
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