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From a HOD Hanky Drop to a YES!

with

Brad Staby & Alyssa Gomez

Heart of Dating has a very special, one of a kind episode for you all today! Brad and Alyssa are two Heart of Dating Community members that met through our Facebook Group… and recently got ENGAGED! WHAT?! We are beyond thrilled to have been a small part of their story. On today’s episode Brad and Alyssa share their testimony and how the resources on Heart of Dating have helped them throughout their relationship. On this episode they also share about how they overcame the trials of doing overseas long distance, and overall how God guided the both of them in their relationship. 

What did dropping the hanky look like for you, Alyssa?

  • Alyssa remembers hearing on the podcast that it’s totally ok to make the first move as a woman.
  • Alyssa came across Brad on the Heart of Dating Facebook Community group.
  • She followed him on instagram and DM’d him and told herself “What do I have to lose?”

What did the process look like after dropping the hanky?

  • Brad said that when she “hanky dropped” him He felt inspired to truly pursue her and realized the ball was in his court.
  • They began getting to know one another through FaceTime, texting, and phone calls.
  • Brad had a trip to Spain planned in July and He asked her if she was willing to meet Him there.
  • Both Alyssa and Brad sought out their community in prayer about meeting in person and pursuing a relationship with one another.

What did the long distance look like?

  • Alyssa actually embraces distance and likes that it works as a safeguard before rushing into a relationship.
  • Distance actually helps with getting to know about the other person and healthy communication without having to deal with the physical aspects. 
  • Both of them had to ask the hard questions upfront and this helped them become good friends before anything.
  • The distance actually overall helped them in the “getting to know” one another process.
  • Even though they didn’t know each other in person yet, they both wanted to get each others’ communities involved and recognized that how they interact in those communities is an important aspect of who they are.

What did that intentionality look like in your relationship?

  • Brad took Alyssa’s love language into consideration and got creative when it came to showing her love in that way even if there was distance.
  • If you can’t achieve the number one love language, look how you can supplement through other means.
  • Brad made sure to romance her even through the distance through letters, flowers, or small thoughtful gifts.
  • He planned ahead, especially being that he’s an army officer and can’t always have free time to talk to her.
  • Alyssa was looking for someone who could be intentional and make a relationship their priority. It’s not always about convenience.
  • Selflessness is an important ingredient in making it work.

What did communication look like for you both?

  • Both Brad and Alyssa had very different upbringings. So they had to learn how to view situations from the other person’s perspectives.
  • Understanding your own dating triggers is key. 
  • Good communication begins with self-awareness and being open to the other person about your own tendencies and triggers.

What did the process of including mentors look like?

  • They sought out people who had walked through the same situation as they had.
  • Brad and Alyssa remained positive and always kept their community in the loop of their relationship. 
  • Brad had been intentional since college to always have mentors in his life and seeked out their advice, prayers, and encouragement throughout their journey.
  • Brad said that building mentorship in his single life was one of the most foundational aspects of his life and his relationship with Alyssa. 

How did you know you wanted to propose to Alyssa?

  • Both Brad and Alyssa were intentional from the beginning of their relationship. They weren’t dating JUST for fun, but they both were dating intentionally to find a spouse.
  • They were both equally yoked and continued to run towards God towards similar goals.
  • They both kept God as their priority and kept their relationship in prayer the entire time.

How did Brad Propose?

  • Brad and Alyssa share about how Brad surprised Alyssa in an indoor bird exhibit.
  • Brad had all his buddies helping out to plan an epic and romantic proposal!

What is your final nugget of dating advice?

  • Dating is a temporary, and distance is a temporary variable. Don’t let it stop you from something great.
  • God’s plans are bigger than our limited vision for our futures.
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