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How to Stop Swiping Into an Oblivion


Kat Harris

Today on the Heart of Dating Podcast, we welcome BACK the fabulous Kat Harris! If you don’t know her yet... Kat Harris is not just an amazing author, podcast host, and founder of The Refined Woman… But she just happens to also be one of Kait’s closest friends! Kat has been on the show a handful of times and now we’re excited to welcome her back as Kait and her discuss how to online date and how to avoid “swiping into an oblivion.”

Why do you think people are swiping in oblivion?

  • Lack of intention and simply just swiping to pass the time can be a factor for why people swipe into oblivion and not really take online dating seriously.
  • When you’re not fully present and aware, you’re not going to show up fully. 
  • Multitasking in general doesn’t work and isn’t going to yield real life results in your dating life.
  • Having a negative or skeptical mindset can also be a factor because when you show up to something with a negative or specific agenda, you will often be disappointed.
  • Sometimes, we can become too attached to the results, but online dating is all about being open to possibility.
  • If you go in with the mindset believing that online dating isn’t going to work for you… then you’re creating a self-fulfilling prophecy… and it probably won’t work for you.
“Our brains are constantly looking for proof of what we already believe”

Have you ever swiped left for someone who could’ve been great but does not fit your preference?

  • Kat is 5’10” and shares her experiences of facing insecurities when it comes to her height. She shares that she previously swiped left on guys that are shorter than her.
  • Now, she tells us that not only has she stopped swiping left on guys because of height, but she’s even fallen in love and dated guys who were shorter than her.
  • Some of her best dating experiences in the last 5 years were from men who were shorter than her, and she shares that if she didn’t change her dating mindset, she would have never been through these experiences. 

How do we do online dating as Christians without being an “overkill” when it comes to Jesus?

  • Kat shares about how sometimes she really can’t stand when a guy she meets online DMs her and asks her personal questions about her faith.
  • She shares that when a guy asks her about faith right off the bat, she feels it is offensive for Kat that a stranger is putting her in a mold.
  • Overall, you don’t have to hide your faith, but also you don’t have to be “weird” and  overkill by only discussing faith.

What would you tell those who say online dating apps are not working for them?

  • Our time and our intention reflects our priority, so make sure to be intentional on what you put in your dating app profile.
  • They should think thoroughly and answer the questions with intentions.
  • Have a realistic expectation about your dating life. Remember that life and romance are not like rom-coms.

Final tip on what people should stop doing on their DMS.

Don’t be afraid to ask someone out... The goal of a dating app after all is to meet them in person!

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Kat Harris

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Kat Harris is the host of The Refined Collective Podcast, and Co-Founder of the online publication The Refined Woman. Her first book Sexless in the City hit bookstores April 2021. She has also been a full-time photographer for the last decade with her work featured in: The New York Times, WWD, Vanity Fair, GQ, Forbes, People, Who What Wear, US Weekly, Glamour UK, and more. 

She coaches and equips women all over the world in dating, relationships, singleness, sexuality, faith and how to build a renewed and healthy biblical sexual ethic rooted in freedom, truth and grace as opposed to the oh-so-common shame and fear narratives so many experienced growing up in evangelical culture. 

Kat loves God, personal development, a good Beyoncé dance party, + is a Ranch dressing connoisseur. She believes in the power of story, that done is better than perfect, quality triumphs quantity, and that the journey truly is the destination. Ultimately, her vision is for women to know their beauty, identity, worth and value and to experience untapped freedom and joy in their lives regardless of their relationship status.

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Website IconPodcast Mic IconInstagram IconFacebook IconLinkedIn IconTick Tok IconTwitter IconYoutube IconCustom Icon

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