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How to become THE ONE with the 7 Steps to Prepare for Marriage

with

Jamal Miller

Heart of Dating is thrilled to welcome the incredible Jamal Miller on the podcast this week. Jamal and his wife Natasha have co-founded the Married and Young ministry and also head up The One University, a course for singles to prepare for married life in each season. Both Jamal and Natasha are passionate about lowering the divorce rate in the United States and for singles and couples to discover their purposes and passions in Christ. Kait and Jamal talk about the 7 ways to become "the one" in this episode and how one can prepare themselves for marriage through practical steps!

Tell us about what you do and your story?

  • Jamal talked about how him and his wife met online and many people didn’t take their relationship seriously.
  • Both of them became passionate about the topic of dating.
  • They wanted to create a resource to help men and women prepare themselves for marriage
  • Feeling and doing love are two different things and the ultimate goal of his ministry is to reduce the divorce rate.
  • It’s time to be steward the time being used to prepare for marriage
  • “God is the creator of marriage, so what better person to learn it from but Him?”

What are the 7 Stages of Becoming the One?

  • Stage 1: Pursue
  • Stage 2: Healing from the Past
  • Stage 3: Discovering your Purpose
  • Stage 4: Persevere
  • Stage 5: Preparing for Love
  • Stage 6: Position
  • Stage 7: Practicing for Marriage

1 PURSUE: What does a pursuit look like? How do you know someone is spiritually mature?

  • Goal is to help man or woman to pursue GOD as it is foundation for not only their life but their pursuit in marriage.
  • The premise of this stage if how to pursue Jesus.
  • It’s important to know if someone is a new believer or has been in this for a while. More of a time frame, it’s about heart and commitment.
  • Commitment shows signs of maturity in God and in your maturity in the pursuit in marriage.
  • If you can’t commit to God, you can’t truly commit to a person.
  • It is the basic application of the simple things. Maturity is your ability to consistently apply the basic things that you know is required… and do it consistently!
  • They are basic disciplines required to grow in your relationship with God. What do they look like? Do you pray? Do you serve? Do you fellowship in Christian community?

2 HEALING FROM THE PAST: How does one heal effectively? For those struggling with sexual sin, is there any advice you would give?

  • You have to dig into the things that hurt you. There is purpose in pain and you can learn from your past hurts.
  • Take the time to journey through your hurts. There is a PROCESS in deliverance. Even if it isn’t your fault, you still have to go through the process of forgiveness.
  • This is valuable, because it helps prepare you for hard times in marriage (which WILL happen). You have to practice this.
  • In the situation of sexual sin, the memory is usually what’s most overwhelming.
  • Learning how to have key people in your life to go to when you struggle or are triggered from your past.
  • Emotional soul ties and sexual soul ties are things that you have to go through in the process of healing. Don’t ignore it! You have to process it in a healthy way.
  • You want to have someone walking alongside of you to help you along the way! God has called us to go through life in community with one another.

3 PURPOSE: How do we know if in dating, our missions align well enough that we can pursue a marriage?

  • The purpose for your marriage is the vehicle! Too often, people make love the vehicle, however the purpose should be driving the relationship.
  • Hollywood has painted the picture that marriage is painted around love, which is not true!
  • Don’t make it complex, listen and hear to what someone wants to give their life to, and then see if you share a part of that!
  • We don’t know every part of their purpose. What are you most excited about accomplishing?
  • You have to ask yourself, are you both able to serve each others’ purposes?
  • All in all, you have to discover your own purpose and an idea of your passions. This isn’t necessarily a detailed purpose, However… you need to take a season to learn about yourself FIRST.
  • You will be on a journey of discovery for the rest of your life.

4 PERSEVERE: How does one endure sexual temptation especially when you are older in your single life?

  • During this stage, we emphasize community.  This is a journey and a process. Walk with others in a similar season.
  • Self-Discipline is really where it comes down to.
  • If you do not learn how to be sexually controlled in singleness, then it is going to be harder or worse for you in marriage!
  • Sex/Sexuality is like fire. It is made to be enjoyed in a controlled environment… if not it will become destructive!

5 PREPARE: How does one prepare?

  • You want to take a moment in your season to prepare for love and understand what it is. It’s not something you “fall into” it’s something you choose.
  • This is a stage to breakdown what love is, what covenant is, what marriage is.
  • This is a stage to go through the 5 love languages, enneagram, and a stage of self-discovery and preparing for marriage.

6 POSITION: What does this stage consist of?

  • This is a practical stage and an intentional stage to actually date!
  • Jamal actually challenges those that go through their course to host a “singles party”.
  • For men, PURSUE a woman. Being able to do this the right way is a critical element to learn.

7 PRACTICE FOR MARRIAGE: How does one do this?

  • A practical way to do this is to “interview” a married couple. Look for a married couple to mentor you.
  • Put into play the things you need to be ready to navigate a real-time marriage.
  • Decide, who’s marriage do you want to emulate?

What is your final nugget of dating advice?

  • “Divorce the woman or man in your head and give the person you are trying to get to know a chance”
  • Stop comparing someone to a fantasy or an ex.
  • Be real, be honest, and give a person a chance.

Other Resources:

Follow Jamal on Instagram HERE

Find out more about The One University HERE

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