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Navigating Sexual Past in Dating

with

Kait Warman & JJ Tomlin

Headshot of Kait Warman & JJ Tomlin

Today on the Heart of Dating Podcast, Kait and JJ get vulnerable as they talk about their sexual past (or the lack of thereof). We know this is a sensitive topic for some, so we encourage you to listen with open hearts and ears when it comes to having differences in sexual pasts.

Our VIDEO PODCAST is HERE! Check it out at https://youtu.be/QuQdenPmBMk

Let’s talk about “PURITY”

  • The reality is we are all sinners.
  • John 8:7 “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.”
  • If you are a virgin who has looked at pornography and acted out of lust, You have committed the same adultery as somebody who has acted on the external (sexual intercourse)
  • You are not “more righteous” just because you have never had sexual intercourse before.
  • A lot of people that Jesus chose to be his disciples also had a past.

How did Kait’s sexual past affect her dating life before?

  • Kait shared a story of how she dated a lovely guy and felt all the “feels” until she shared her sexual past with him. He went into shock & couldn’t process it. 
  • Be cautious to not share your sexual past early on.
  • The guy she used to date wrestled with the thought of Kait’s sexual past  kept bringing it up in their relationship.
  • His reaction towards it caused Kait unnecessary shame after having already dealt with that shame in the past.

Did Kait’s sexual past affect her relationship with JJ?

  • JJ was not too worried about Kait’s sexual past as he saw her as 
  • You need to work out the possibility early on that your partner may have a more extensive sexual experience than your experience.
  • The most important thing to keep in mind is who we are in Christ.
Your sexual past is not the most important thing about you nor it is the most important thing about someone else.” - Kait Warman

How should you react when someone shares their sexual past with you?

  • Respond peacefully and without any judgment.
  • When somebody is willing to be that vulnerable with you, it’s an opportunity to extend grace, Christ's love, and forgiveness to them..
  • You should always ask yourself and consider if you are actually responding or just reacting out of emotions.
“I don’t see Kait for her sexual background or any background of sin, I see her for who she is today and who she is in Christ, And I love her for that.” -JJ Tomlin

When should you share your sexual past?

  • Do not share it upfront. Sharing something this vulnerable too quickly can create a sense of false intimacy and connection.
  • The story of your sexual past should be shared in layers.
  • You can share it as a reference point but it is not necessary to dive into details.

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Kait Warman

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Kait Warman is a best-selling author, speaker, popular relationship coach, and the founder of Heart of Dating. She helps thousands of men and women on their journeys through the conversations on the Heart of Dating Podcast, which launched in 2018. 

Through her ministry, Kait’s mission is to empower both men and women to have the courage to own their story, walk in victory, thrive with purpose, and discover clarity and vision in their life and relationships. In her new book, Thank You for Rejecting Me: Transform Pain into Purpose and Learn to Fight for Yourself, Kait vulnerably shares how she grew through her deepest, darkest rejections and offers readers the tools to heal from the past, take back their power, and walk in strength, victory, and love into their future. Kait currently lives in the Los Angeles area and loves sunshine, walks, Jesus, and lip syncing to Celine Dion.

JJ Tomlin

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JJ Tomlin is a missionary kid born in Belgium, originally from Tennessee, and currently residing in the OC. He currently works in Gaming/E-Commerce, enjoys watching his Tennessee Titans on Sundays with his Goldendoodle Teddy and loves working with Christian men to raise the bar in singleness and dating.


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