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Rapid Fire Hot Takes

with

Kait and JJ Tomlin

Today, we're jumping into rapid-fire hot takes with JJ and Kait, covering singles vs. marrieds, voice memo bans, and even intercultural marriages!

Introduction

Hiii HOD fam, JJ and Kait here coming at you with another dynamic episode of Heart of Dating! This one is loaded with “Rapid Hot Takes” that’ll make you laugh, think, and maybe even rethink some aspects of your dating life. Whether you’re single, dating, or married, there’s a little something for everyone in this conversation. Let's dive into it!!!

Singling Out Singles and Marrieds

Shifting Perspectives for Singles:

JJ touched on an issue that resonates with many singles—struggling to hang out with married friends because it brings to light what they don't have but yearn for. He suggests that it’s important for singles to shift their focus and surrender their desires to God. Kait adds that although it can be painful, pushing through this discomfort is essential. Married friends, take note! Include your single friends in conversations about a variety of topics, not just marriage and parenting, to ensure they feel included.

Communication is Key: 

Singles, make sure your married friends know you want to hang out. It helps avoid misunderstandings and keeps those connections strong and healthy. Let’s normalize being intentional about staying connected across different life stages!

Hot Takes Galore!

Voice Memos vs. Texts:

 

Kait is calling for a ban on voice memos longer than two minutes and wants a fast-forward option. Anyone else feeling her frustration? JJ joins in, noting that faster playback speeds for messages like those in podcasts would be a dream come true. We can only hope tech developers are listening!

Public Restroom Etiquette:

Alright, guys, Kait has had it with the urine on toilet seats. She humorously suggests banning repeat offenders. JJ jokingly questions Kait’s own habits, bringing some light-heartedness to the otherwise gross topic.

Fantasy Football and Disney Adults:

JJ’s advice is to steer clear of partners addicted to fantasy football, and Kait adds a funny twist—don’t marry a Disney adult! Apparently, trips to Disney are costly and time-consuming. Kait even narrates her own dedication, planning an 11-hour drive to save on airfare. Now, that’s commitment!

Financial Management:

Switching gears, JJ and Kait discuss the delicate dance of managing joint finances while keeping personal fun money. It’s a helpful reminder that individual financial freedom can coexist with shared financial responsibilities in a marriage.

Big and Small Trauma:

All Trauma Matters:

  

JJ and Kait dive into the heavy topic of trauma, differentiating between “big T” and “small t” trauma. Kait shares her journey in therapy, uncovering how past traumas impact her present-day relationships. Whether big or small, acknowledging and addressing trauma is crucial for personal growth and relational health.

Seeking Help:

JJ emphasizes seeking professional help, no matter how okay you think you are. They agree on the importance of timing when dealing with trauma in relationships; unaddressed trauma can be a red flag and might need attention before venturing into a new relationship.

Navigating Cultural and Racial Differences in Marriage:

Uniqueness of Intercultural Marriages:

JJ assures that it’s absolutely okay to marry someone from a different cultural or racial background. Different cultures bring unique perspectives and challenges, from handling money to conflict resolution. It’s all about understanding and embracing those differences.

Specific Cultural Insights:

They discuss the Nigerian culture’s quick reconciliation after intense conflicts and the significant family expectations in East Asian cultures. Latin cultures’ approach to elderly care and the involvement of Filipino families in dating were also highlighted, contrasting with more hands-off Western cultures.

Friendationships and Relationship Dynamics:

Defining Boundaries:

Kait and JJ delve into “friendationships” and “situationships,” stressing the importance of clear communication to avoid leading someone on. Miscommunication can lead to unnecessary hurt, so be open about your intentions. 

Overcoming Unresolved Feelings:

 

They talk about the challenge of dating someone not fully over their ex, pointing out key indicators and advising steps to gauge emotional readiness for new relationships.

Modesty and Social Media:

Men should approach discussions about their girlfriends’ provocative clothing delicately, possibly seeking the insight of a female mentor. Evaluating a date’s social media behavior is crucial for understanding deeper insecurities.

Final Thoughts and Announcements

Wrapping up, JJ and Kait encourage everyone to rate and review the podcast on iTunes or Spotify, reminding listeners of weekly episodes every Wednesday. Exciting news includes the upcoming HODC 2025 conference and the next School of Dating cohort in October. Plus, Kait and JJ reflect on their favorite “hot takes” from the season, laughing and reminiscing about the fun and insightful discussions they've had.

Stay tuned for more episodes packed with advice, love, and a whole lot of heart. Let’s keep growing, learning, and loving together, HOD fam!

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JJ Tomlin

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JJ Tomlin is a missionary kid born in Belgium, originally from Tennessee, and currently residing in the OC. He currently works in Gaming/E-Commerce, enjoys watching his Tennessee Titans on Sundays with his Goldendoodle Teddy and loves working with Christian men to raise the bar in singleness and dating.


Kait Tomlin

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Kait Tomlin is a best-selling author, speaker, popular relationship coach, and the founder of Heart of Dating. She helps thousands of men and women on their journeys through the conversations on the Heart of Dating Podcast, which launched in 2018.

Through her ministry, Kait’s mission is to empower both men and women to have the courage to own their story, walk in victory, thrive with purpose, and discover clarity and vision in their life and relationships. In her new book, Thank You for Rejecting Me: Transform Pain into Purpose and Learn to Fight for Yourself, Kait vulnerably shares how she grew through her deepest, darkest rejections and offers readers the tools to heal from the past, take back their power, and walk in strength, victory, and love into their future. Kait currently lives in the Los Angeles area with her husband JJ and their pups Lovey and Teddy. She loves sunshine, walks, Jesus, and lip syncing to Celine Dion.

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