Okay, here’s the truth bomb that rocked me this episode—Gabe and Rebekah both say if you haven’t hit any bumps, if you honestly think your person is “perfect,” RED FLAG! Relationships require some fire to forge real love. The key isn’t having zero conflict, but learning how to work through it together.

Rebekah shares how every major life transition—from parenting kids with special needs to switching careers and moving cities—put them into “survival mode.” Sometimes thriving, sometimes just hanging on. But what stuck out? They always modeled for their kids how to have conflict, repair, and keep fighting for each other instead of sweeping things under the rug.

There is so much wisdom in seeing each other in all seasons. Like, do you even really know someone if you’ve only seen their best and not their stressed, their grieving, their angry, their vulnerable? Gabe says: “You don’t want surprises after you’re married. Those things do need to surface before you get married. And can the relationship handle it?”

Listen, a lot of us (especially intentional, “overthinker” types!) have these wild, sky-high expectations in dating. And when conflict or “issues” appear, our instinct is to run. But Rebekah calls that out: if you’re bailing at the first sign of hurt, what you’re really doing is avoiding the growth and depth God wants for you.

“We do marry our emotional equivalent,” Rebekah reminds us. Different personality, yeah. Trauma backgrounds, yeah. But the dance of how our issues trigger—intense, anxious, silent, or avoidant—needs to be faced so we can move forward together in HEALTH, not just awareness.

Real talk: if you’re only looking for the most low-maintenance, zero-conflict relationship, life is going to eventually throw you a curveball that WILL test the strength of your partnership. Better to learn now if you can fight, forgive, and get humble and honest together.

So what do Gabe and Rebekah recommend for those dating or considering marriage?

• Take at least a year (ideally two!) to let real life surface—don’t submarine your relationship and lose your community.
• See each other under stress: family, friends, work, life, loss.
• Bring up the hard conversations: Share your “origin story,” the parts that carry shame, the wounds you’d rather not say out loud.
• Test if you can repair: It’s not about being all healed, but are you BOTH willing to show up for the hard work?

And maybe most importantly: cherish friendship and alignment in vision. Looks will fade, the spark ebbs and flows, but having shared purpose, laughter, and loving another through their worst days? That is the gift.

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Marriage isn’t rainbows! (Raise your hand if you needed to hear THAT this week!) It’s a series of conscious choices to turn toward each other—even when it’s hard, awkward, or inconvenient. We all marry someone’s best and someone’s not-so-best. The invitation is to create a relationship culture of full honesty, no secrets, and ever-increasing trust.

Gabe and Rebekah’s book The Fight For Us goes even deeper, and I can’t recommend it enough (especially if you want to start early and prep for this kind of relationship, you can check it out on Amazon or wherever books are sold).

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