So, how does limerence differ from infatuation or a simple crush?

• Infatuation is that giddy excitement, the fun chemistry, the novelty, and it’s usually mutual. It can break pretty easily once you see someone's flaws or the reality of who they are.
• Crushes are often innocent, fleeting, and don’t have the obsessive edge that limerence does
• Limerence is born out of unmet emotional needs and deep longing—sometimes rooted in past attachment wounds or trauma. 
• It can feel amazing at first, but quickly morphs into fixation, anxiety, and even desperation. And the wild part? About 50% of people experience limerence at some point!

This is more than awkward nervousness or scrolling their Insta. It’s building up an entire personality and imagined future for someone in your mind, ignoring anything that contradicts that fantasy—rose-colored glasses for days.

‍

Limerence is especially rampant in Christian circles (church crushes, anyone?), partly because of the idolization of “the one.” Many singles hold tightly to an idea of a perfect partner, sometimes rejecting great matches because they don’t fit their fantasy. Both anxious and avoidant types fall into this, either clinging to hope or avoiding reality by holding out for a fantasy object.

And when relationships end, the heartbreak isn’t just for the person—it's for the dream you built around them (21:00). This makes Christian dating feel like a “mini divorce” at times, especially if your head goes two years ahead picturing marriage and a family.

‍

Good news, limerence can be broken! Kait shares several steps:

1. Find Purpose Outside of Dating
   If you don’t have a purpose-filled life, you’re more vulnerable to looking for validation in romance, work, or friendships. Anchor yourself in calling and value so your identity isn’t consumed by who you date.
2. Date the Unexpected
   Challenge the narrative of “the one” with intentionality. Try dating someone who isn’t your fantasy type–you might discover qualities you hadn’t considered.
3. Reality-Test Your Feelings
   Ask yourself: are you appreciating their actual actions, or projecting them as the ideal partner? Time and community help ground your feelings instead of flying off in fantasy.
4. Slow Your Pace
   Avoid quick declarations and commitments—give yourself 90 days before jumping into a relationship, especially if you struggle with limerence.
5. Radical Honesty & Community
   Be honest with yourself, God, and trusted friends about this pattern. Breaking it happens in community—limerence thrives alone.

‍

Limerence doesn’t mean you’re broken. It’s just a deeply human longing for connection, sometimes gone haywire. As JJ said, it’s a hidden temptation for Christian singles, but there’s power in naming it, getting grounded, and pursuing purpose beyond romance.

Don't let your life be on pause for a fantasy! Take that next step with intention and community. We love you, HOD fam—let’s keep growing together.

‍