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How to Stop Sabotaging Your Singleness

with

Kait Tomlin

How I Sabotaged MY Singleness

First, let me start by telling you how I sabotage my singleness for so many years…

Yes, Kait… the “token single girl” a few years ago, actually sabotaged a lot of my early single years.

This is why I have such a HUGE passion for singles. I learned so much in my later years of singleness that I want to pass along so you don’t end up sabotaging your singleness like I did early on.

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So how did I sabotage my singleness?

1… I was waiting on “someday” to start my life.

2… I spent too much time preforming for guys to like me.

3… I was more attracted to emotionally unavailable charismatic men than the slow and steady, consistent man.

4… I was really stuck on type

5… I got into loads of friendationships because they felt FUN, but then broke my heart

6… I always pretended I didn’t need to be strict with boundaries and yet always ended up crossing them.

7… I constantly tried to force relationships with guys whose heart weren’t ignited for me

8… I fell into deep infatuation and overlooked red flags

9… I focused on guys potential and found myself playing the role of therapist and rescuer.

10… I was terrified of rejection because it often made me feel never enough.

How to Stop Sabotaging Your Singleness

I always talking about waiting well. It’s a HUGE concept when it comes to making the most of our singleness. So how can we STOP sabotaging our singleness and START waiting well?

We have to stop WAITING for a spouse for our lives to start. Are we death gripping our single life and not enjoying it? We get one wild and precious life, let’s have our hands up and our eyes open and trust that God really has us!

Waiting well is essence is choosing to LIVE well DAILY.

You can find daily purpose and enjoyment in your singleness by…

  1. Cultivate a daily practice of spending time with Him.
  2. Actually READING the bible! We need to get back to the basics. God is the expert at living and loving well.
  3. Getting involved in church and joining a small group.
  4. Invest in truly connect with a community of believers.
  5. Get uncomfortable outside of your comfort zone and SERVE in this time. Getting involved and partnering with GOD to serve.

So unlike I did for so many years, learn from what I learned… 

1… Start TODAY, don’t wait for a spouse.

2… Stop performing for people to like you, just be yourself.

3… Look for the partner that’s going to be slow and steady, consistent rather than emotionally unavailable and charismatic.

4… Step outside of your typical type.

5… Say no to friendationships, they’ll probably end up breaking your heart.

6… Pursue and practice strong boundaries, you’ll thank yourself. Trust me.

7… Don’t force relationships, wait for someone’s heart to be ignited for you. (I promise… it’s worth the wait.)

8… Watch out for red flags but also get curious.

9… Don’t date potential, you’re not their therapist.

10… Reframe rejection, it’s always redirection.

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