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I wasn’t Initially Attracted to My Husband


Kait and JJ Tomlin

Today Kait Tomlin opens up about not being initially attracted to JJ, as they explore the complexities of physical attraction, societal standards, and the importance of godly character in dating!


Hiii HOD fam, welcome back to the Heart of Dating podcast! We are thrilled to kick off Season 13 with a BANG, diving into some of the most honest and sometimes controversial topics in Christian dating. Today's episode is incredibly special as it features an intimate discussion between your hosts, Kait and JJ Tomlin, about the REAL challenges of physical attraction in relationships. This episode is titled "I Wasn't Initially Attracted to my Husband," and it's bound to leave you with some deep thoughts and maybe even a couple of laughs. So, sit back, relax, and let's get into it!

Controversial Takes and Viral Moments

Kait and JJ kick off the episode by diving into a controversial post that Kait shared online about not being initially attracted to JJ, which went viral and received a mixture of support and negative comments. Kait talks about seeking guidance from the Lord before posting and explains the importance of focusing on godly character over initial physical attraction.

Initial Attraction and Societal Standards

Kait opens up about her own journey with physical attraction, mentioning that within the first 30 days of meeting JJ, she had doubts. They discuss the impact of societal standards, such as the influence of porn and social media, on our perceptions of physical attraction. JJ reflects on his past experiences and regrets surrounding being too shallow and passing up meaningful connections due to unrealistic standards.

Shallow No More

The hosts take a deep dive into how men and women differ in terms of initial attraction, and how important it is for men to challenge and reassess their standards. They emphasize the dangers of over-glorifying physical attributes at the cost of emotional and spiritual compatibility, sharing anecdotes where men chose partners based on godly character and emotional maturity.

Honesty in Relationships

JJ and Kait discuss the critical role that honesty and transparency play in relationships. They talk about the vulnerabilities of sharing personal information online and the reactions from others. Kait admits to being superficial in the past but highlights her journey towards deeper, more meaningful connections.

Navigating Negative Reactions

Negative comments from the internet are also a focal point. Kait shares how reading through these comments can be detrimental to one’s self-esteem and the importance of tuning out these negative voices to focus on one's growth and the relationship's core values.

Physical Attraction Can Grow

In a heart-to-heart, the hosts discuss how physical attraction is just one piece of the puzzle. Kait reveals that her attraction to JJ grew over time as she got to know his character. They suggest giving a relationship at least 45 days to develop physical attraction before making any long-term decisions, highlighting stories where deep emotional and spiritual connections transformed initial physical perceptions.

Practical Advice for Listeners

Kait and JJ offer practical advice for couples struggling with physical attraction. They encourage engaging in various activities to foster chemistry and connection and emphasize the importance of physical attraction in marriage while ensuring it doesn’t overshadow emotional and spiritual compatibility.

Final Thoughts

As we close out this episode, we encourage you to re-evaluate what truly matters in a relationship. Physical attraction is important, but it’s not everything. Look deeper, be open to growth, and remember that love is a choice that develops over time. If you enjoyed today’s discussion, please take a moment to rank and review us on iTunes or Spotify. Your support helps us reach more people and bring valuable content to those navigating the complex world of Christian dating.

Let's get it, HOD fam! See you next week!

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Kait Tomlin

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Kait Tomlin is a best-selling author, speaker, popular relationship coach, and the founder of Heart of Dating. She helps thousands of men and women on their journeys through the conversations on the Heart of Dating Podcast, which launched in 2018.

Through her ministry, Kait’s mission is to empower both men and women to have the courage to own their story, walk in victory, thrive with purpose, and discover clarity and vision in their life and relationships. In her new book, Thank You for Rejecting Me: Transform Pain into Purpose and Learn to Fight for Yourself, Kait vulnerably shares how she grew through her deepest, darkest rejections and offers readers the tools to heal from the past, take back their power, and walk in strength, victory, and love into their future. Kait currently lives in the Los Angeles area with her husband JJ and their pups Lovey and Teddy. She loves sunshine, walks, Jesus, and lip syncing to Celine Dion.

JJ Tomlin

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JJ Tomlin is a missionary kid born in Belgium, originally from Tennessee, and currently residing in the OC. He currently works in Gaming/E-Commerce, enjoys watching his Tennessee Titans on Sundays with his Goldendoodle Teddy and loves working with Christian men to raise the bar in singleness and dating.

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