Let’s start with the good: your desire to make the right choice is a beautiful thing. God DOES call us to pursue wisdom! Overthinkers often possess a deep desire to discern well—which is needed in a dating world full of red flags (and sometimes beige flags, and even imaginary flags). You’re observant. You care. That’s a big deal!

Where’s the struggle? Well, when discernment becomes a mask for fear—aka, “if I never choose, then I never fail”—you can end up controlling yourself right out of connection. Love is always a risk. God doesn’t promise us total certainty, and His Word is full of stories about people stepping into the unknown, trusting Him to meet them along the way. Faith doesn’t always offer a roadmap—it offers a lamp for your feet (Psalm 119:105). One step at a time.

‍

So what does being an overthinker look like in real-life dating?

• Overanalyzing every text or delay
• Reading too much into minor red flags
• Screenshotting and decoding every chat with friends
• Facing major indecision about committing, even after lots of prayer and logic
• Wanting 100% certainty before taking any step forward—it becomes almost paralyzing!

And that low-grade anxiety? Whew. It can block peace, block presence, and block something good from actually growing.

‍

This can be confusing: both can share anxious tendencies, but the core motivations are different.

• Overthinker: Driven to make the right decision, avoid regret, THINK/feel/think/feel/think/feel
• Hopeless Romantic: Driven to be loved, feels deeply, and can make rash or impulsive decisions just because the feelings are strong

One is paralyzed by options; the other leaps before they look. Both are valid, both are growing!

‍

Here’s your nudge, overthinker fam:

• Recognize that your longing for clarity is understandable, but don’t let it rule you
• God doesn’t promise every answer or sign—He promises to walk with you
• Trust grows as you move forward, not as you stand still
• Peace isn’t in having all the answers, it’s in trusting the One who does (Philippians 4:6-7!)

As Tim Keller put it: “You always marry the wrong one”—meaning, there’s no perfect choice, only a perfect commitment under God. At some point, love is a leap, not a lab report.

‍

If this is you, take heart! Choosing connection means stepping into discomfort. It’s okay to seek wisdom, but don’t let the idol of certainty keep you from growing deeper, trusting more, and experiencing love—messy, risky, wonderful love—as God designed. And if you want to take this journey deeper, be sure to check out our resources at Heart of Dating—there’s a place for every personality (even when you’re still deciding which one you are!).

We see you. We love you. You’ve got this—and we’re with you every (overthought) step of the way.

‍