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How Do I Discern if this is the Right Person?

with

Ben Stuart

SUMMER MINISODE SERIES TODAY FEATURING BEN STUART!

Kait got the privilege of sitting down with Ben Stuart who is not only an author but also the pastor of Passion City Church, Washington D.C. He has a LOT to say about dating and this entire process and it is SO good. Prior to joining Passion City Church, Ben served for 11 years as the executive director of Breakaway Ministries, a weekly Bible study attended by thousands of college students at Texas A&M. Him and and his wife, Donna, live to inspire and equip people to walk with God for a lifetime… and they also have one heck of an incredible dating story!

How can we go about evaluating someone’s character while also evaluating the chemistry we have with them?

  • You’ve got to have CHARACTER and CHEMISTRY.
  • Get in environments where you are chasing the same cause and the other person has a character being shaped by God. They re not perfect, but they are perfectABLE.
  • Ben talks about how he is an introvert and how he sometimes is slower to opening up to people, but the friendships he builds over time are very deep. After a first date often he would say “I don’t know?” At the end of a first date ALL you have to know is if you want there to be a second one.
  • Ben also talks about a time him and his wife Donna took a break. It was a time for Ben to really figure out if he wanted to be with Donna, because he was not fully sure. During that time came to a point where he realized he TRULY missed her. He did not just miss having a person, but he missed HER, her thoughts, her wisdom, her communication. They were not a perfect sync up in every area.
  • Knowing the best about her I know and knowing the worst about her I know, life WITH her is better than life without her

How do we truly discern if this really is a person we want to spend our life with?

  • If you are feeling inside yourself “I am just not committed to this person” you NEED to listen to that.
  • There are two pieces to this puzzle, first the INTERNAL piece. When you hit conflict is your response, “I WANT to get past this conflict and I WANT to get back to unity with you”? Or is it “I want to get out of here?” You need to establish internally if there is a deep and lasting commitment
  • Then, the EXTERNAL piece is “Can we communicate in a healthy way when we disagree?” You want to be able to communicate CONSTRUCTIVELY not DESTRUCTIVELY.
  • Do you yell scream? Are you or the other person too rash? That is not healthy.

Resources:

Follow Ben on Instagram @ben_stuart_

Foollow Passion City Church on Instagram @passioncitydc

Get Ben’s book, Single. Dating. Engaged. Married HERE

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