We ALL have them!
One of the biggest takeaways from Abi Stumvoll and Justin Stumvoll is that EVERY single person has some kind of parent wound—because even loving, well-intentioned parents are still human. Our childhood experiences and unmet emotional needs create patterns, stories, and triggers that show up in our adult lives, often in our closest relationships.

It’s not about parent-bashing
Abi Stumvoll and Kait Tomlin both emphasize that this work is NOT about villainizing or blaming our parents. It’s about gaining understanding, offering grace, and finally becoming aware of those places in our hearts we may not have noticed before.

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Unresolved wounds from your parents can subconsciously affect your attraction patterns, the way you respond to conflict, your ability to trust, the types of partners you pick, and whether your relationships feel safe or not. Naming and beginning to address these wounds can open up new freedom and deeper connection, both with others and with yourself.

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“Daddy issues” and “mommy issues” aren’t just pop culture buzzwords! The truth is, both men and women can have wounds stemming from their fathers—and mothers—and these wounds can show up as insecurity, trust issues, performance, avoidance, anger, passivity, or fear in relationships. Abi Stumvoll and Justin Stumvoll break down how these show up differently, why they matter, and why both sides of the story are important to explore.

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1. Embrace Radical Self-Awareness
   The healing journey starts when you acknowledge your story, as Abi Stumvoll says: "Whatever you are aware of, you can do something about. Whatever you’re ignoring, there’s no solution for that." Taking the time simply to notice your emotional patterns and reactions is already a huge first step.
2. Offer Grace to Yourself and Your Parents
   There is an invitation to move from blame or shame to empathy—both for your parents as humans doing their best and for yourself as someone worthy of compassion and healing.
3. Notice Patterns Without Shame
   Instead of judging yourself for your “stuff,” start observing your habits with curiosity. Where did that tendency to withdraw or to chase come from? What are the stories I carry about being safe, worthy, or loved?
4. Look for Corrective Experiences
   Healing happens through what Abi Stumvoll calls “corrective experiences”—moments (big or small!) when someone offers you the safety, love, or support you didn’t get growing up. The key is to notice and receive those moments, whether it’s a mentor, a friend, or even a kind co-worker. It’s NOT about making any one person fill the void, but about gathering these healing moments as you go.
5. Community and Self-Parenting
   You are not meant to do this alone! Let your community (friends, mentors, faith family) and even your relationship with God play a role. Plus, Abi Stumvoll talks about learning how to “parent” your younger self—bringing kindness and affirmation to those parts of you that still feel small or scared.
6. Practical Next Steps

• Take time for self-reflection: Journal about what came up for you in this episode
• Share the episode and process with a trusted friend
• Pick just ONE healing action: whether it’s reaching out for therapy, starting a new book/podcast, or joining a support group
• Be gentle and patient with yourself as you uncover and process old wounds

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• Every human has parent wounds—your parents had them, and their parents before them. It’s not a curse, it’s a shared humanity.
• Moving from victimhood to empowerment—what would it be like to offer yourself the love and care you always needed as a child?
• Transforming avoidance into courage: “Fear is the gateway between me and the destiny of who I’m created to be.”

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If today’s conversation stirred up big emotions, know you are not alone! There is hope and healing, not just for your romantic life, but for your whole self. Jesus sees you, understands your story, and meets you right where you are, parent wounds and all. Let grace and curiosity lead you forward.

We love you HOD family! Be sure to share this episode, leave us a review, and follow for more weekly encouragement.

Let the healing journey begin!

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