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Body Image and Sexual Confidence: How to Overcome Insecurities in the Bedroom


Sydney and Josh Benson

Sydney and Josh Benson join Kait and JJ to talk about the link between body image and sexual confidence and how you can overcome insecurities in the bedroom.

What are some of the biggest things you hear or have seen when it comes to body image in sex? What does it effect in marriage?

  • If you’re going into sex already feeling insecure then it’s going to be harder to enter into that intimate space with your spouse. 
  • This is where it can become harmful to the marriage and where healthy communication has to come in. 

Many Christians grew up learning to “TURN OFF” their body mainly by hiding. Let’s talk about what that teaching does in marriage.

  • You spend your WHOLE life trying to disconnect your mind from your body so then in marriage it becomes SO hard to just POOF make that connection appear again.
  • Many individuals dealt with past trauma through dissociating as a form of protection. In this way, while being abused, the victim learns to think about anything else while the abuse is occurring. They get used to “leaving” their body and escaping into their mind. In a way, then, their bodies feel dead. They may not know how to experience pleasure or how to enjoy touch because as soon as it happens, they break that mind-body connection.
  • Seperating your mind from your body is a symptom of PTSD. 
  • It makes you feel like you are gross and sinful and UGLY in front of your husband.
  • It can be hard to connect with your mind during sex with your spouce and it can end up being just a physical act.
  • These teachings make the body secondary to who we are.
  • The best question you can ask yourself is how can I glorify God in my boundaries? 
  • When you have sexual desires it’s important to thank God for giving you that sexual desire. 
  • For women in sex their mind has to be ready to connect before their body is ready. 
  • “Taking a woman’s mind out of sex is the number one way to kill sex.” - Sydney 
  • It’s very hard for a woman to orgasam if her mind isn’t connected to what is happening. It’s physical but it’s also so mental. 

Let’s talk about shaming women through purity culture…There is a huge weight put on WOMAN that they are supposed to be gatekeepers of a man’s lust. How does this create problems in marriage?

  • Can be so dangerous to do this in a marraige or even in dating/relationships becuase if a line or boundary is crossed it falls completely on the woman and that’s not correct. 
  • In marriage that shifts to if you’re not having sex that is also the woman’s fault and that isn’t correct either. 
  • It takes two people to make and keep boundaries and it takes two, in marriage, to have a healthy sex life. 
  • When we deem women as the sexual gatekeepers of men it assigns blame to women for sexual assalt and then also pornography use in marriage. 

When a woman says “I need to lose weight” to her man, what do you think is a healthy way to respond to her.

  • Understanding that men are imperfect.
  • Ask her why she feels that way. Be quick to assure her that you love her unconditionally for WHO SHE IS.
  • Women, make sure you’re giving grace for how men respond and be willing to communicate about how his response makes you feel. 
  • Tim Keller has a great sermon on this. “I love you because I love you, because I choose to love you.” 
  • Believe someone when they show you who they are. 
  • When you’re married to a christian, safe, man then the last thing they’re thinking about is any imperfection you may have. 
  • Find someone who delights in all of you, not just parts of you. 

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Sydney Benson

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Sydney is a Social Media Influencer & Strategist from Dallas, TX with a vulnerable, down-to-earth approach to ministry that is meant to inspire others to fully live out the calling God has on their lives. She is the Founder of GGCE, a consulting company for creative and digital media services, specializing in ministry and nonprofit sectors. Sydney is most known for her online social media presence and her faith-based blog of 7 years where she gave a biblical perspective on controversial, relevant topics within Christianity. She most recently launched a film and podcast series called The Trauma Series, which equips others with the tools needed to process and heal from past pain. She graduated from Baylor University with a Communications degree where she also proudly served as a COED Cheerleader for 4 years.

Josh Benson

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Josh has been living and dying by the 3 Cs (Christ, Cats, and Clean Humor) for nearly a decade but he’s been a comedian on social media for over 3 years. He loves Jesus and loves poking fun at the Christianese things we all know and hold so dear. He can be found on Instagram @itschurchchad and on tiktok @joshbensontherapper

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Kait Warman

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Kait Warman is a best-selling author, speaker, popular relationship coach, and the founder of Heart of Dating. She helps thousands of men and women on their journeys through the conversations on the Heart of Dating Podcast, which launched in 2018. 

Through her ministry, Kait’s mission is to empower both men and women to have the courage to own their story, walk in victory, thrive with purpose, and discover clarity and vision in their life and relationships. In her new book, Thank You for Rejecting Me: Transform Pain into Purpose and Learn to Fight for Yourself, Kait vulnerably shares how she grew through her deepest, darkest rejections and offers readers the tools to heal from the past, take back their power, and walk in strength, victory, and love into their future. Kait currently lives in the Los Angeles area and loves sunshine, walks, Jesus, and lip syncing to Celine Dion.

JJ Tomlin

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JJ Tomlin is a missionary kid born in Belgium, originally from Tennessee, and currently residing in the OC. He currently works in Gaming/E-Commerce, enjoys watching his Tennessee Titans on Sundays with his Goldendoodle Teddy and loves working with Christian men to raise the bar in singleness and dating.

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