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Mini Man-sode 40: Are You Obsessed with Your Future Spouse?

with

JJ Tomlin

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Today JJ unpacks part one of the difference between preparing for your future spouse and being obsessed with your future spouse. He gives warning signs at the end. 

Introduction

Hey hey hey guys!! Welcome back to another men’s minisode on the Heart of Dating podcast with JJ! We’re pumped to be back after taking a week off and we’re going there today! We know that some people are busy out there preparing for their future spouse, but what’s the line between preparing and obsessing?? We’re talking about it today, let’s jump in! 

Today, if you’re listening you fall into one of three camps. You either are obsessing over a future spouse, preparing for your future spouse, OR not really concerned at all about your future spouse. You’re not preparing or obsessing over them. Ask yourself, before we go any further, which camp you’re in. 

We’re going to be in Genesis 29, talking about Jacob marrying Leah and Rachel. This story is riddled with things NOT to do when dating, and pursuing a romantic partner. But, it also has some really great examples of what TO do! 

In a lot of ways, this story in Genesis 29 is a picture of obsessing. 

Preparation vs. Obsessing

For those who are not thinking about your spouse AT ALL, you’re also not PREPARING at all either. Thinking about them = Preparation 

For those who are fantasizing about your spouse, you’re also obsessing over them too. Fantasizing about them = Obsessing

When you think about something and your current situation you never really leave reality. You understand where you are, and you have a great sense of who you are. The best thing to keep us rooted and in reality is GRATITUDE. 

If you think about fantasizing..it is a high. It produces endorphins. Coming down from a high, and back to reality you don’t really feel super grateful for what you have, or excited about it. The roots of gratitude are gone when you come down from the high. When it comes to a future spouse, the same thing happens. 

Thinking is GREAT! How can you prepare for something you don't think or know about? Please, start working on being a great spouse when you’re single. 

Fantasizing is not. You are the one that suffers because you’re not grateful or excited about where you’re currently at. 

You evaluate every single person of the opposite sex through a narrow or romantic lens instead of a friendly/equal lens. 

If you can’t turn this off, then you are obsessed! If that’s the first thing that comes to mind when you meet someone, you’re obsessed. What’s sad about this, is that you miss each person’s value. It’s all about what they have to offer you. It can cost you great friendships and opportunities to get curious and know somebody. 

If you are obsessed with your future spouse these are 3 things to watch out for…

  1. There are certain things you’re waiting to do with them. No, not just sex. There are things in your mission, career, or personal growth and healing that you’re leaving on the table and waiting for them. 
  2. If that need, that desire is dictated out of a wounding. It’s a desire for completeness.
  3. If I told you, you were not getting it, then you would be destroyed. 

Join us next week for part 2! Read Genesis 29 this week!

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JJ Tomlin

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JJ Tomlin is a missionary kid born in Belgium, originally from Tennessee, and currently residing in the OC. He currently works in Gaming/E-Commerce, enjoys watching his Tennessee Titans on Sundays with his Goldendoodle Teddy and loves working with Christian men to raise the bar in singleness and dating.


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Website IconPodcast Mic IconInstagram IconFacebook IconLinkedIn IconTick Tok IconTwitter IconYoutube IconCustom Icon

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