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Attachment Wounds and Anxiety

with

Kait Warman & JJ Tomlin

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Today on the Heart of Dating Podcast, Kait & JJ dive into the topic of attachment theory and having anxiety in dating. Mental health and healing is super important when it comes to dating well, and Kait and JJ talk about not only why, but also share about their own story! Our VIDEO PODCAST is here! Check it out at https://youtu.be/IAtGdYIK7Qo

Let’s talk about Attachment Theory:

  • Understanding attachment theory and knowing your attachment wounds are some of the most powerful things you can do to best understand yourself and how you are showing up in dating.
  • “Our connection with other people is only as solid and deep as we are connected to ourselves. We have to know who we are. We end up desperately searching for a connection with other people when we have no idea who we are.”- Brene Brown
  • Attachment theory originated from John Bowlby and there are 3 primary insecure attachment styles with ONE primary secure attachment style
  • Insecure = Anxious, Avoidant, and Ambivalent.
  • Secure = Secure
  • These patterns and responses are born and developed during your childhood.
  • In deeply knowing yourself and how you attach and love in various situations you can heal the wounds through time but keep in mind that healing actually happens in layers.
  • You can be a person that leans anxiously a lot but also be avoidant depending on the person in the scenario.
  • Overall, you can lean towards whichever attachment depending on the person in the scenario.
  • There is a beautiful silver lining in these attachment wounds that you can heal from when you choose to partner with the Holy Spirit.

All about Anxious attachment:

  • A person who is anxiously attached will likely do so because they crave connection.
  • People who are attach anxiously are generally people who received love as a child, but it was inconsistent.
  • These people are acting to soothe their feelings without thinking.
  • They want to be in control of the situation and sometimes come across as needy.
  • These people don't like distance and unresolved conflicts.
  • If you face anxious attachment, it’s  important to present your needs as an invitation.

All about avoidant attachment:

  • You think, do and then you feel. Those with avoidant attachment overall have a distaste for conflict.
  • They suppress feelings and typically grew up in a household where it is not safe to feel.
  • Those with avoidant attachment, don’t know how to engage with their feelings or emotions.
  • These people withdraw. They can be the loner.

All about ambivalent attachment:

  • Ambivalent people toggle between thinking and feeling but rarely act.
  • They are people who are both avoidant and anxious.
  • A common childhood wound for those who face ambivalent attachment are those who had a very chaotic household.
  • They second guess themselves a lot, especially in big decisions.

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Kait Warman

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Kait Warman is a best-selling author, speaker, popular relationship coach, and the founder of Heart of Dating. She helps thousands of men and women on their journeys through the conversations on the Heart of Dating Podcast, which launched in 2018. 

Through her ministry, Kait’s mission is to empower both men and women to have the courage to own their story, walk in victory, thrive with purpose, and discover clarity and vision in their life and relationships. In her new book, Thank You for Rejecting Me: Transform Pain into Purpose and Learn to Fight for Yourself, Kait vulnerably shares how she grew through her deepest, darkest rejections and offers readers the tools to heal from the past, take back their power, and walk in strength, victory, and love into their future. Kait currently lives in the Los Angeles area and loves sunshine, walks, Jesus, and lip syncing to Celine Dion.

JJ Tomlin

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JJ Tomlin is a missionary kid born in Belgium, originally from Tennessee, and currently residing in the OC. He currently works in Gaming/E-Commerce, enjoys watching his Tennessee Titans on Sundays with his Goldendoodle Teddy and loves working with Christian men to raise the bar in singleness and dating.


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