Let’s keep it real: compromise feels way easier in your early 20s. You’re freshly out of college, maybe living with roommates, just figuring out who you are. You’re flexible. But by your 30s (or 40s!), you know what you like (and what you DO NOT like). You’ve filled in your own “whiteboard” of life with dreams, habits, hobbies, and a stack of Amazon packages you don’t wanna share a mailbox with.

So what happens when you desire a deep, soulful partnership—but aren’t willing to shift? JJ and I see it ALL the time (hey, Insta DMs): people say they want a relationship, but won’t consider leaving their zip code, changing a lifestyle habit, or merging friend circles. Y’all…if you want a spouse but aren’t open to ANY tweaks, you might end up waiting a loooong time.

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Okay, not everything is supposed to be negotiated. We want you to keep your core values, your kingdom calling, your God-given purpose. That’s not what we’re talking about.

What’s on the table: your routines, your city, that “I can’t imagine living without my cat/Xbox/gym/fantasy league/traffic-less commute.” JJ and I had to negotiate everything from where we lived (location is a BIGGIE) to how many kids we want (spoiler alert: still up for debate!!) to hobbies and house rules about shoes indoors (my mom, bless her, still cringes when JJ goes barefoot outside 😂).

But what’s NOT on the table? Calling. Mission. Your deepest giftings. If someone asks you to give up what God specifically designed you to do (for me, Kait, that’s hospitality—hosting, being in community!), that’s a compromise too far.

Ask: “Am I being asked to give up something central to who God made me?”

If the answer is yes…red flag. Let’s pause and dig deeper.

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Not all compromise leads to intimacy. Sometimes, it breeds resentment. The secret sauce? The heart behind it. JJ left behind a job, a city, and his beloved fantasy leagues. I watched more football in a year than I ever thought possible (Disney pass in exchange, thanks babe!). We each had to sacrifice bits of comfort—but we did it because we believed in what we were building TOGETHER.

The goal isn’t to “squeeze” each other into our pre-existing lives, but to DREAM together, create a new story, a new rhythm—a clean whiteboard, not an overcrowded checklist.

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If you’re single and feeling a little (okay, a LOT) set in your ways—don’t panic! We’re right there with you. Here are our biggest tips:

• Don’t live alone forever—seriously. Roommates are a crash course in daily compromise, humility, and teamwork.
• If you feel defensive about a preference, ask yourself: “Is this a calling…or just a comfort?”
• Practice flexibility: are you willing to change your zip code, merge real-life routines, or flex on Saturday plans for somebody you love?
• When you do compromise, check your heart: does this draw us closer as a couple or create quiet resentment?
• Hold preferences loosely. Hold God’s purpose tightly.

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Ultimately, the invitation is to build something new together. Love isn’t about finding someone to plug into our pre-built lives—it’s about creating, dreaming, and yes, compromising for something better than we could ever build alone.

We love you, fam! Compromise is hard; but it’s 1000% worth it when you’re both all in for the life God dreams for you. See you next week for more Relationship Goals 🔥

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