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Why Do People Cheat?

with

Rashawn Copeland

Heart of Dating is thrilled to welcome Rashawn Copeland to the show! He is filled with so much love and Joy from Christ and we truly believe you’ll be blessed by this episode!

Rashawn Copeland is the founder of I’m So Blessed Daily and Without Walls Ministries. A writer for Church Leaders, InspireMore, and the God’s Not Dead blog, he is also the host of the Scripture and Stories podcast on the Converge Podcast Network. He is a graduate of the University of Central Oklahoma and is currently earning his MDiv at Liberty University. He lives in Oklahoma City with his wife, Denisse, and their three children.

In this episode, Rashawn and Kait dive deep into the topic of trust issues and ask the question “why do people cheat?” and discuss the perspectives of both being cheated on but also cheating on another person.

You have a new book called “Start Where You Are” coming out! Can you share about it?

  • The book is about Christ meeting people where they are and He believes that’s the greatest miracle of Christ. 
  • It talks about God meeting us in our brokenness and messes.
  • Rawshawn talks about how GOOD God is and how faithful He is.

Is cheating common? 

  • Infidelity is the cause of 20-40% of divorces in the United States.
  • If cheating happens in marriage, it happens in dating.
  • Over 21% of men and 13% of women cheat on relationships. While the women statistic is higher, it’s becoming more and more common for women to cheat.
  • Emotional cheating can also lead to breakups and divorce.

Could you share about your experiences and why you think some people cheat?

  • Rashawn shares about his story and how he has cheated in past relationships and validated it by feeling he wasn’t getting enough attention in a relationship.
  • He said his ego got him in a lot of trouble, and he would sleep around to try to get people’s affirmation and affection.
  • He talks about how he’d physically cheat but also would emotionally cheat.
  • Cheating begins on an emotional level. For women, many cheat more emotionally than physically.
  • The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom and He shared that when He finally began to acknowledge God for who He is, He began to realize his downfalls.
  • Rashawn shared his stories of infidelity and how He not only physically but also emotionally cheated on his past relationships.
  • Kait shares her personal experiences of not only being on the receiving end, but also about her experience dating someone and cheating on them.
  • You need to ask yourself “how do I meet my needs and how does God meet my needs” instead of giving that responsibility to another person”
  • Pornography and following that world is a type of emotional cheating.

How do you handle the shame that comes from cheating?

  • You have to be honest with God and yourself when it comes to emotional cheating and being vigilant of your own emotions. 
  • Surround yourself in a Christ-following community to seek out accountability and help keep you in line with your relationship with Christ.
  • Shame doesn’t come from the Lord, however He does want the best for you and when you focus on your relationship with Him and develop a healthy fear of Him, you’ll stop seeking validation from another person.

How do we handle cheating in the age of social media?

  • Social media makes it easy to check up on your ex.
  • Emotional affairs can happen online since social media gives us so much access and opportunity to connect with people long and hard.
  • You have to be able to guard your hearts and mind on social media (men AND women)
  • It’s also easy to get into friendationships online and can also stem into cheating. 
  • “When the resource fails, you’ll fail with it. That’s why you need Jesus as your resource who will never fail”

Do you have opinions on how close a friendship should be of the opposite gender when in a relationship?

  • Men & women can be friends with a lot of conversation and honesty.
  • Rashawn wants to protect and honor his wife, so he’s very careful to not engage online a lot with other women.
  • You need to be honest with yourself on your own temptations. 
  • You have to be careful about the spirit of assumption as well as your own temptations. When you’re in a relationship you want to have open and honest conversations.
  • Don’t let your past dictate your current relationship, but do bring up your concerns and why you have them. 
  • Be wary to not project your past on the current person you’re dating and don’t assume they have the same intentions.
  • Own your triggers and own your temptations. 

What are some key things godly men and women can walk out in their life to avoid cheating or temptation?  

  • Be reverent of your creator and have a healthy fear of the Lord.
  • Love accountability and those people who God sent to speak into your life.
  • Love God’s ways and pursue Him, the other things will become less satisfying when you’re walking with Him.

What is your final nugget of dating advice?

  • Live transparently. Bring things out of the dark and into the light and watch your life change.

Follow Rashawn on Instagram HERE

Follow Rashawn on Twitter HERE

Pre-order his new book HERE

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