Kait had the incredibly pleasure of sitting down with Audrey and Jeremy Roloff today to talk about their story, their INCREDIBLE dating advice, AND to share about their brand new book, A Love Letter Life, Available April 2nd!
Jeremy Roloff actually grew up filming for the reality TV show, Little People Big World which has been going since he was 12 years old! He is also a photographer and does SO many incredible things. Audrey Roloff is a blogger who writes about life, faith, marriage, and motherhood and she is also the founder of the Always More clothing Line. Together Audrey and Jeremy are the the co-founders of Beating 50 percent, a ministry on mission to revive covenant marriages. They also co-host the top rated Behind the Scenes podcast… and are parents to their adorable baby girl EMBER.
The most exciting thing is that Audrey and Jeremy are now launching their first book, A Love Letter Life, which we highly recommend to pick up NOW!
Alright friends, today Kait and the Roloff's talk about a ton of things, but mainly they discuss WHAT it means to live a love letter life, and how to pursue creatively, date intentionally, and love faithfully.
Can you tell us more about the tagline of your book: Pursue Creatively, Date Intentionally, and Love Faithfully?
- Audrey says that these are MISSION statement words for their life and their love story.
- Their new book, A Love Letter Life, is for whether you are single, preparing to get married, or IN marriage and just want to relight a fire.
- Audrey says, "You can pursue creatively wherever you are at in your love story. Whether you are writing the prologue or whether you are 50 years in."
- "Pursuit doesn’t end once you say I love you!”
- Vulnerability-Our dating culture has lost this in today’s world, especially men.
- Jeremy says, "If you think about every big “manly” movie like Gladiator or Braveheart, at the CORE their strength is found in their vulnerability which ultimately includes a LOVE story.”
- The Roloff’s emphasize that the phone has specifically taken us away from the heart of relationships.
- The phone has gotten rid of perseverance because we can get perfect, instant gratification so quickly.
- You don’t wake up and have the end goal, it takes a PROCESS.
What would you recommend to real create an environment of safety for vulnerability?
- Audrey talks about how she had some emotional walls up in their relationship.
- It can be delicate thing with dating because you don’t want to OVERSHARE and be overly intimate, but there also needs to be a balance of opening up and sharing and being HONEST about your struggles. This doesn’t need to be date 1. If you haven’t had a hard heart to hard by at LEAST a year in dating, something has to happen.
- Jeremy says “the healthy balance is IN the balance."
- There was a beautiful point in their relationship where Jeremy sat Audrey down to create a safe place for her AND to encourage her that he really needed her to open in vulnerability to draw the relationship further.
- It’s tough if someone puts their value in BEING in a relationship over THE relationship. If your value is found in just being IN a relationship, you are not going to risk anything to damage that… but if your value is A relationship it will be a healthier perspective shift.
How and why friendship so important?
- Friendship is THE reason why people are married and many years later are still having SO much fun together. It is because they have this foundation first.
- Audrey talks about how focusing on friendship actually did help her and Jeremy to avoid getting too wrapped up in other things such as physical intimacy.
- Audrey and Jeremy went on a bunch of adventures together in their dating relationship really to build memories and experiences.
- Jeremy also mentions that “It is a lot easier to add physical intimacy to a friendship versus building a strong friendship and then add physical intimacy later.”
- Make sure to have FUN so that dating does not become this boring checklist process.
Let’s talk Long Distance! How did you pursue intentionality and creativity in this process?
- Long Distance was a huge part of the Roloff’s story!
- 85% of all couples find themselves in some sort of long distance dating at some point… it’s a HUGE number!
- They had to be extra creative and intentional about the pursuit WITHIN long distance, which the Roloff’s were able to do incredibly well.
- The Roloff’s actually wrote LOVE LETTERS to one another which became a fun, unique, and tangible way to really connect in a special form during long distance.
- During the Roloff’s journey, they actually found that it was more helpful to do LESS Skype/phone dates because it added a lot of pressure and took them away from being truly present where they were in their current lives
- They realized they would be even better people if they were also balancing engaging in their current lives with the people around them.
- Overall their recommend that you have to figure out what is BEST for you specifically.
What other bigger challenges did you face and how did you overcome them?
- The Roloff’s open up about wrestling with purity, and how their other opposite gender friendships had to change.
- The biggest thing they say is that communication is HUGE.
- Also realize that NOT using your words is also a form of communication. Sometimes that is healthy, sometimes it is not, but it is a part of the equation.
- They also said that SELF awareness for them was huge in the process. Things like knowing their love languages, and the enneagram were extremely instrumental in their relationship.
- Audrey is an 8 and Jeremy is the 9 so they are like FIRE and ICE.
What is your final nugget of dating advice?
- Audrey- Spending time with other married couples who are OLDER than you when you are dating.
- Jeremy- Have PEOPLE around you with eyes on the relationship. “Don’t become an island”. You should be inviting people into your world and your sphere so they can guide you through red, orange, and green flags in your relationship.
Other Resources:Go pick up the Roloff's new book, A Love Letter Life, NOW!