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How to Have Your Dating Life Not Suck

with

Bianca Olthoff

WELCOME TO SEASON 4!!! Today we are kicking off SEASON 4 of the Heart of Dating Podcast and it feels SO SURREAL, We have been around now for a year and a half… so many of you have been here and growing with us or if you are new, HI! We are SO HAPPY you are here. We are ready and refreshed and ready to deliver amazing content to y'all for the 4th season.

For the first episode of season 4, Heart of Dating is thrilled to welcome back Bianca Olthoff to the show! Bianca is a speaker, author, and pastor at The Father’s House church in Orange Country. She’s been married to her husband for 9 year and is committed for others to know Jesus on a deep level of purpose. She recently also just released her brand new book How to Have Your Life Not Suck which talks about taking initiative of your life in Christ for a better future! Her book is separated into 3 sections: dating, faith and spirituality, and overall “adulting”. This week, Biana talks to Kait specifically on how to have your dating life NOT suck!

What does “acceptable stalking” look like that you talk about in your book?

  • Do your research! Check out their social media and get an understanding of how a person is presenting themselves?
  • Acceptable stalking gives us a glimpse of who someone is.
  • Feel free to ask about someone your interested in them! Do your research before you go on a date with someone.

You talk about “wanting the ‘woo’ and longing to be pursued in your book. Should women want to be romanced in our culture that has seemed to have strayed away from that?

  • Romance looks different for every single person. 
  • Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages is helpful in understanding how you give and receive romance.
  • Communicate with the other person on how you like to feel loved. 
  • It’s okay to want to be romanced, keep the bar high, but also help the guy out!
  • If you want it, then give it! Make sure to romance your partner!

Why do you think it's not only important to evaluate someone you want to date, but also to evaluate yourself?

  • Be self-aware! Dating has become lost in our generation.
  • We need to be so self-aware of what feels safe for yourself and for the other person.
  • Evaluate how you’ll settle conflict, the boundaries you set, and how your relationship with God is doing. 
  • Ask Yourself “Am I walking in the fullness that God has called me to?”
  • You have to ask yourself if you are in shape to date.

When it comes to the process of preparing yourself, there will never be a level of perfect. Is there grace when it comes to the journey we’re on when it comes to self awareness?

  • Grace is super important in dating relationships and even all relationships.
  • You may not be where you SHOULD be, but by the grace of God you’re also not where you used to be.
  • Bianca talked about how her husband has kids from a previous marriage, and understanding that she had to have grace about his past has taught her so much about love and God’s grace.
  • Kait and Bianca talk about how constant growth and teachability are crucial in dating!

How do you think women can be clearer with guys and mean what they say?

  • Most guys truly want to know what you mean. They cannot read minds.
  • Women want a sense of empathy rather than the problems being fixed. The issue is that it is breaking down communication.
  • Bianca talks about how Boaz and Ruth communicated clearly to one another in the Bible.
  • If we simply communicated clearly, it would remove some of these ambigous friendships with the opposite sex.
  • We need to have HONEST conversations, DTR, and be CLEAR!
  • We don’t want to waste our time or someone else’s time! Time is our generation’s greatest commodity! Use it wisely and don’t waste it!
  • When it comes to friendasionships, it’s easy to get emotionally attached to an idea. A lot of communication needs to happen to make sure guys and girls who are just friends are on the same page.

Why do you think women need to ‘drop the hanky’ and show interest?

  • If you don't allow yourself to be “open” to a relationship, then guys are not going to know to pursue you.
  • Bianca uses the analogy of a taxi cab and tells us to “turn the light on”!
  • Put yourself out there!
  • Rejection may happen, but it’s okay!
  • We should pursue, but not be “thirsty”, in other words don’t be desperate!

What is your final nugget of dating advice?

  • Your completion isn’t going to come from someone else, it will only come from God.
  • “If I am not dead then God is not done”
  • If you are longing for love, don’t be discouraged, your story isn’t over yet!

Other Resources:

Get her new book HERE

Visit her church at The Fathers House

Find her on Instagram HERE

Find her church Instagram HERE

Find her website at www.biancaolthoff.com

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