Now most of our blog posts are for women AND men… but today is for the ladies.
Let’s be honest for a second…
More often than not, I’d say we hear about women asking “When do I walk away?” more often than men. Why? Well maybe because sometimes girls are more vocal about it.
But ladies who are reading this right now I want to stress that there has to be a balance here. I often see two sides that people land on. 1- Living in fear of scarcity that you won’t find anyone else. 2- Having waaayyy too high of expectations and wanting someone who is near perfect so you walk away every time they make a minor mistake. Which spoiler alert! Perfect doesn’t exist. Sorry to burst your bubble!
Ladies (& gentlemen), your desire to marry them should NOT be because…
1) It’s been so long and you don’t want to start over out of fear.
2) They are ‘GOOD ENOUGH’.
3) They are one of the first people that ever really pursued you.
4) You have resolved to the fact that it’s fine because YOU can help them change.
5) You don’t know if there would be anything else out there for you.
If you use any of those 5 reasons to justify why you’re choosing to stay in a relationship that may not be so good for you, it may be time to walk away…
Ultimately, it is hard to speak to EVERY situation but here are some other common, different examples ranging from obvious to ambiguous of when the female should walk away from a man.
An abusive man: Spiritually, emotionally, physically… this is not a question of when…It is a question of why have you not? What is keeping you? This needs to have happened yesterday... right? But it doesn’t work like that does it? The reality is a victim will often come back 7 times before leaving for good. One of the best indicators for future abuse is the lack of kindness, genuine kindness. How do they treat people?
An emotionally immature person: You can only be as spiritually mature as you are emotionally mature. This one needs TIME to suss out- hence why we recommend 90 days before exclusivity. LADIES you need to asses “how do I feel around him?” Seriously- how do you FEEL? Do you feel like you are proving? You may have GREAT chemistry but constantly be in proving energy and that is NOT a good sign! I think this one is maybe the most underrated, overlooked bucket there are. Why? Because we build feelings and connections first, then we look to evaluate. Nobody is blatantly immature on first glance, nobody blatantly disrespects you on the first date. No, it always gradually surfaces over time. THAT is why it is so important to date in community and over time, with counsel, NOT in a silo.
Here are some of the major signs:
1) You have to use ultimatums for change.
2) There is no respect for words, you, boundaries or commitments.
3) There is no ownership of mistakes, only excuses.
4) There is a total collapse of trust with no partnership in building trust.
5) Relationally you are plateaued for months upon months with defensiveness.
6) Ultimately emotionally immature people lack the ability to handle their emotions and feelings (both suppress or lash out), empathy.
A spiritually complacent man: This is probably the one I would drill the most … this is where the other issues typically all stem from. This is because they all can be traced back to the outpouring of our heart, where our relationship with Jesus and our sanctification should be MOST CLEAR and impactful in our life. Ladies, if there is one thing I want you to take from this blog post it’s this..If it’s unclear where he is spiritually, meaning, his walk with Christ is gray, what he is learning from God, how He is growing in the Lord.. is quiet…AKA - he never initiates any spiritual conversation or more importantly cannot or just skips over it and you have to initiate, ask him to go to church, ask him to lead you spiritually, beg him to be spiritually mature…these are major indicators that spiritually this is not equally yoked..spiritually, this is not a partner who will amplify your mission but they will DRAG it. If it is GRAY, give it AWAY.
To hammer this one home, spiritually speaking we MUST marry true MEN of God. So to the women reading this, if your man is a man who is prideful, who does not heed counsel, who is arrogant, who is self-righteous, who makes it about himself, and his pain, most importantly, if he has shown you that he is not willing to die to self for you? Walk away.
Ladies, if you’re still wondering if it may be time to walk away or just want more on this topic, check out one of our most listened to episodes, EP 179: When to Walk Away!
Kait & JJ talk to the men about how to pursue a woman, the steps for a great date, and leave both the men and women with a challenge.
Today JJ is joined by Scott Kedersha to discuss what you should be praying for your future spouse.
Kait is joined by 7 members of the Heart of Dating Community to talk about why community and friendship is so important in singleness and dating!
Kait & JJ discuss recognizing triggers and healing from trauma in a dating relationship and how it applied to their own journey.
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