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Take the Pressure Off Dating

with

Kait Tomlin

Are you putting too much pressure on dating?

What I see so often in Christian Dating culture is people putting the pressure of MARRIAGE on a first date!

We often put ALL our eggs into one basket as soon as we see someone eligible that is our quote-on-quote type. We hand over our hearts and trust FAR TOO EARLY in dating as Christians… and we slap the word intentional on it.

But what I think it really is, is a lack of wisdom. Think about it. You are committing on date one, two, three… SUPER EARLY ON to SOLELY date this one person, thinking you may marry them…. BUT you don’t actually know much about them.

You don’t know...
The quality of spiritual fruit in their life.
Their history
The relationships they have cultivated.
What their TRUE walk with God is like… a lot of people can walk the walk and talk the talk, but when you get a bit more behind the scenes you realize it’s not the same.
You also don’t know if they aren’t a narcissist that’s just really charming on the outside.

We SHOULD be able to go on dates with people in our communities and it not be crazy awkward afterward. But that often doesn't happen because we put SO MUCH PRESSURE on it from the start, and then feel heartbroken after 3 dates when the person isn't interested in us anymore. Then we talk about it in our community and it becomes a MESS.


What if I told you you can go on dates with honor and integrity AND... ENJOY the process without sizing someone up for marriage right at the start?! Sound like something you'd be interested in?

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In This Episode

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First things first,

You don't need to know if they are marriage material YET. Instead, what you need to ask yourself after a first date is, "Do I know enough information to see this person ONE MORE time?"

As JJ always says, you need to take it ONE DATE AT A TIME.

Next, get clear on our top core values. From those core values establish 5 NON-NEGOTIABLES. That's it. NO more than 5. And within that 5, make sure they are based in CHARACTER.

Focus on genuinely having FUN and being curious about this amazing man or woman of God in front of you. YES, it is okay to have ENJOY dating.

Remember that dating is a process of evaluation through time. There is NO rush to be in a relationship with someone and certainly NO rush to marry them if you pace it well. You will never regret spending more TIME really getting to know someone... but you WILL regret committing too quickly to someone.

3 signs that you may be putting too much pressure on dating...

1. You immediately romanticize and picture a future with anyone and everyone that shows interest in you. (Relatable, we know!)

2. You’re quick to eliminate people based on superficial things, before taking the time to get to know them for who they truly are.

3. You ONLY date to marry and you feel stuck in a narrative that “there are no good ones out there”.

We know all 3 of these signs are SUPER relatable so know that if you’re thinking to yourself “Oh no, I do all 3 of those things!”… you’re not alone.

But if that is you, maybe it’s time to do some reevaluation on what dating can actually look like for you. And we promise… it’ll be a LOT more fun and way less exhausting and disappointing.

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