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RED FLAG: You’re dating Potential


Madi Prewett Troutt

Madi Prewett Troutt joins Kait and JJ to talk about not being teachable or growth-minded and to stop dating potential. 


Hey Heart of Dating fammm!!! Welcome back to another episode in our series on RED FLAGS! TODAY we are talking about having a lack of a teachable spirit and being growth minded with the one and only Madi Troutt! This is a HOT TOPIC you guys and we are so pumped to go there today and unpack it ALL! 

AND before we dive in IN…Madi WROTE A BOOK, called The Love Everybody Wants, what inspired Madi to write this? Literally EVERYONE in our community needs this book.

Madi wrote this book during HER singleness so it was truly therapy to her! She was wrestling with some really hard questions and longing for more but not seeing it. The Lord spoke so sweetly to Madi and shifted her perspective on contentment, wholeness, and completion. The inspiration behind the book is Matthew 22:35-39. “35 One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: 36 “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” 37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’[a] 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.” Through the book Madi takes us through the 3 loves. Making the foundation loving God and then from there, loving yourself, and then loving others as yourself. 

In chapter 6 of Madi’s book she talks about some big RED FLAGS…. One of those that she touches on is not having a Teachable Spirit/ Grown Mindset!

I would say this is a HUGE red flag and potentially HIGHLY a deal breaker if it does not exist.

Quickly we’re going to give an overview of the difference of having a growth mindset versus a fixed mindset, and then we’ll hear some of Madi’s story of how this came into play in dating!


  • You see problems as a means to GROW and learn!
  • Growth Minded people believe basic abilities are done through HARD WORK.
  • Growth Mindset says “What can I learn from this?” it says “What resources can I reach out to?”


  • These people believe they are born talented, or born defective.
  • “I’m just bad at math”... or when it comes to a guy who says he’s not a good planner they would say “I’m just not a good planner.”
  • You can fall into all or nothing thinking… either “YES I can do this” or “Nope never going to happened for me”
  • They feel that feedback is an ATTACK and will get defensive. 

In her book Madi details a lot of relationships she had that were NOT it. We asked Madi, how did you spot in previous relationships that men you dated were not growth minded?

When it comes to red flags, it’s something to evaluate in other people but it’s also something to evaluate in OURSELVES! Madi has loved having community in her life that is able to call out things in her too. Nothing turns Madi off more than an apathetic and arrogant spirit. Two things that stand in the way of someone being able to grow and change are, 1) someone being too PRIDEFUL to admit that they need to fix something or 2) they’re too LAZY to put in the effort to change and grow. Both are extremely unattractive. Having someone who is humble and hardworking is essential in a romantic relationship because you’re supposed to be teammates. 

In the past Madi dated people who did have the mindset, “this is just how I am, take it or leave it.” She really doesn’t believe in that! We should always be wanting to get better every single day. In order for relationships to be all that they’re meant to be it takes HUMILITY, AWARENESS, and a VULNERABILITY to say, “I don’t have it all figured out, I’m learning, I’m growing, but I’m COMMITTED to letting God refine me and convict me and because of that I’m going to be committed to getting better every single day.” This mentality is SO attractive whereas a mindset of “this is just how I am” is so UNattractive! 

The best part about being around a humble person is they challenge YOU! 

What if they say they are going to change, how do you really put that to the test?

If thier behavior does not follow their belief then that is a RED FLAG! Sometimes the behavior is the only answer you need. When someone shows you who they are…BELIEVE THEM! So often we try to justify them instead of opening our eyes and seeing what’s in front of us. So many times we are BLIND to the red flags because we see what we want to see. Sometimes we aren’t led by Godly conviction and Godly clarity because we allow our feelings to lead us. Madi is such a big believer of action over intention! If those good intentions aren’t followed by good actions then their intentions mean NOTHING. Someone led by a strong belief system and convictions is someone worth following. 

Some practical things… 

  • Really pay attention to PATTERNS. What are they doing RIGHT NOW? 
  • PEACE! What is your gut feeling in your spirit? 
  • PEOPLE! Who do they surround themselves with? Who are you becoming by the things you’re doing? 

A LOT of people cling onto POTENTIAL, especially women… let’s talk about that!

You talk in your book about not craving FAKE love… but sometimes we are inclined to do it… our world is filled with FAKE! You say in your book “ We weren’t made to settle for fake. We were made for real love, a last-ing love.” Dating potential is dating FAKE!! You’re not dating the reality of this person. 

One of the challenging questions Madi writes in her book is, “if he or she is not doing it NOW, what makes you think they’ll do it LATER?” That’s a really hard but good question. God has SO MUCH MORE in store for you. God can’t bless fake, he can only bless REAL because that’s what He is. 

We’re imperfect people, so there are going to be things we have to work on because we’re human. Neither Madi or Grant came into their relationship as half a person, neither of them were looking for completion, neither were looking to change the other person, or fix the other person, or HOPING that one day it’ll get better. We’ve seen so many people do this, but there is no PEACE, SECUIRTY, or BLESSING in that. 

Ultimately God is the MOST important center of the relationship, and in Madi’s book she talks about how it was DIFFERENT with Grant. But… can God really be the centerfold if you are not growth minded?

Madi doesn’t think so because she doesn’t know if God can be God to you if you don’t understand your NEED for Him and your own weaknesses, and sin apart from Him. The whole point of a relationship with God is that you understand His sovereignty, His power, who He is and then your need and dependence on Him. A follower of Jesus means MOVING. It’s not staying stagnant. 

Growth mindedness is not for YOU. It’s a byproduct of love for God. You want to grow in relationship, fellowship and passion for Him. 

It will NOT get better when you get married. Contronting these things in singleness is HUGE. 

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Madi Prewett Troutt

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Madison Prewett Troutt, bestselling author of Made for This Moment, is a speaker and social media influencer best known as a finalist on the reality television show, The Bachelor. Her new book is The Love Everybody Wants. She has been featured in media outlets ranging from People to Parade and has been a guest on such podcasts as Made for This with Jennie Allen and That Sounds Fun with Annie Downs. Madi has a degree in communications from Auburn University and a certificate in ministry in pastoral leadership through Highlands College. She has been involved in many outreach programs, including Adullam House, Make It Matter, Autlive, and Auburn Dream Center. Madi started her career working as a foster parent recruiter in Birmingham, Alabama. She lives in Waco, Texas, with her husband, Grant.

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