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Newlyweds and our SEX Story… so FAR

with

Kait and JJ Tomlin

Join Kait and JJ as they start season 10 out with talking about how they prepped for sex during engagement, the wedding night, honeymoon, and post honeymoon.

Background

  • Kait has a sexual past and had really bad experience with purity culture too. She’s had a lot of healing in this area but was still a very hard thing. 
  • JJ didn’t have as much of an external sexual past but did have a extensive problem with porn and masterbation. 
  • Neither story is worse than the other, this is simply a background. 
  • They had lots and lots of conversations about this in dating that helped. 

Prepping for Sex During Engagement

  • During pre engagement counseling they took the Symbis test that had a section on sex expectations where they really got to talk through the expectations of frequency of sex in their marriage. 
  • Important to note that you can’t really know this until you’re married and in the day to day. 
  • During pre-marital counseling and going over the Song of Soloman JJ’s mindset was being shifted from sex being a selfish thing, to being all about the other person. 
  • Did a sex course together the week of the wedding that did start a lot of safe conversations for them. However, it showed them how much more education needs to be in place for single christians. 
  • Started talking loosley really close to the wedding about some things they were sexually excited about with each other. 

Wedding Night

  • You need to talk about this before the wedding night because it’ll be awkward if you don’t. 
  • The foundation of sex is a vulnerable moment of true nakedness and the physical is just a representation of this. - JJ
  • For those that do have a sexual past, there is so much hope that God redeems and it can feel like the first time you’ve had sex. - Kait
  • Make sure that sex isn’t on the throne of your marriage.

Honeymoon

  • Frequency of sex on the honeymoon was not what they had talked about. 
  • Did it hurt? Yes. 
  • Did you wear lingerie? Yes.  

Sex Post Honeymoon

  • Had a one month streak and enjoyed trying new things. 
  • Sex is best when you have an emotional connection. 
  • Sex is a sacrament, it’s a physical representation of a spiritual covenant you’ve made. 
  • People with the best sex life have three things. 1)Consistently affirm their partner. 2)Consistenly show positive bits of attention. 3) Curious about their partner. 

Biggest Issue/Challenge With Sex

  • Timing: they want to have sex at different times. 
  • Feeling rejected by your partner. 

What advice would you go back and give yourself now?

  • Kait: The guy doesn’t care what you look like. We as ladies, are much more critical of ourselves. 
  • JJ: Do as much research as possible on the foundation and purpose of sex. How much sex is not about you. The best expecation with sex is no expectation. 

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Kait Warman

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Kait Warman is a best-selling author, speaker, popular relationship coach, and the founder of Heart of Dating. She helps thousands of men and women on their journeys through the conversations on the Heart of Dating Podcast, which launched in 2018. 

Through her ministry, Kait’s mission is to empower both men and women to have the courage to own their story, walk in victory, thrive with purpose, and discover clarity and vision in their life and relationships. In her new book, Thank You for Rejecting Me: Transform Pain into Purpose and Learn to Fight for Yourself, Kait vulnerably shares how she grew through her deepest, darkest rejections and offers readers the tools to heal from the past, take back their power, and walk in strength, victory, and love into their future. Kait currently lives in the Los Angeles area and loves sunshine, walks, Jesus, and lip syncing to Celine Dion.

JJ Tomlin

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JJ Tomlin is a missionary kid born in Belgium, originally from Tennessee, and currently residing in the OC. He currently works in Gaming/E-Commerce, enjoys watching his Tennessee Titans on Sundays with his Goldendoodle Teddy and loves working with Christian men to raise the bar in singleness and dating.


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