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In today’s episode JJ is talking about one bullet dating, the idea that you only get one shot in dating. We’re talking high stakes dating.
Hey hey hey guys! Welcome back to another men’s minisode!! We’re talking about one bullet dating today. Don’t worry, we’ll explain what this is. Before that, don’t forget to grab your HODC Nash ticket! Let’s jump right in today!
This is the most profound problem across dating experiences that we’ve seen. It’s a culture of high stakes dating. It sounds like this, guys have ONE shot, to ask out a girl, one shot to date her, to get into a relationship with her, to get engaged to her and then get married to her.
This problem isn’t going anywhere. Guys are always going to get nervous to ask out the girl. Girls are always going to talk about the guys.
There’s such little room for guys to operate and lead, to shoot shots and miss, and to make minor mistakes and learn. It’s just really high stakes. When you ask someone out in the church everyone knows about it, when you show up together everyone knows about it, when the date doesn’t go well everybody knows about it. This is the universal issue facing young adult communities of singles. If you think it’s just your church, it’s not, it’s all of them.
You have two options.
First, you can date elsewhere. You can date outside the church group. Other churches, apps, set ups, etc. Dating elsewhere is totally okay, the process changes though. It requires a lot of levels of intentionality, accountability, visibility, and patience.
The second option, and the much more difficult option is to change the culture. This is so much more than just deciding where you want to take the group. If you have an awesome young adult culture and you want to make the dating culture great, it has to be a collective decision, you have to talk about it.
You have to talk about what you value and what the goal is. Decide what’s in bounds and out of bounds. Talk about kindness. Get nitty gritty, talk about if guys should ask out in person or over text.
Next you have to encourage it! This is the foundation of it.
Then, lead by example. You are entirely responsible for yourself. Have great, appropriate friendships with the opposite sex. When others are going on dates you’re not making it a huge deal, it’s low stakes.
See you guys back next week!!
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JJ Tomlin is a missionary kid born in Belgium, originally from Tennessee, and currently residing in the OC. He currently works in Gaming/E-Commerce, enjoys watching his Tennessee Titans on Sundays with his Goldendoodle Teddy and loves working with Christian men to raise the bar in singleness and dating.
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