Communication is key in any relationship, and this is especially true when it comes to romantic relationships. We SO believe in having the physical boundaries conversation early on!  You want to be proactive in this area, NOT reactive. Waiting until you’re laying in the same bed together is NOT the time to be figuring out your boundaries. Rather, it’s much wiser to talk about them early on when you’re getting to know each other, having conversations about values, and evaluating one another.

Chad told Tori straight up that he wouldn't kiss her until they were officially dating. Of course he didn’t say this in a rude way, but he was setting the tone for their relationship, and it helped them to make sure they were honoring God and each other in thier boundaries. 

We know some of you are thinking that these boundaries may feel or seem elementary and you’re old enough to be a little more relaxed with your boundaries (35 year old youth pastor we’re looking at you!). We think this is completely FALSE! As you get older, you should be getting to know yourself better, growing in wisdom, and growing in deeper intimacy with God. By this logic, in a way our boundaries should maybe get even stricter as we get older! 

Physical boundaries can include things such as not living together, not spending the night together, not sleeping in the same bed, and not being together past a certain time, etc. 

Emotional boundaries can include things such as being cautious how much you share about your life, and how much you share about your past. 

Spiritual boundaries can include things such as the types of things you’re praying about together, if you’re going to be in small groups together, and how much time you spend discussing spiritual matters. 

At the end of the day, boundaries are there to PROTECT you! 

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Let’s talk about accountability partners. Accountability partners are people who can help us stay on track and remind us of the commitments and boundaries we’ve made to ourselves, God, and the other person involved. Think about it kind of like a contract. Tori did this with her non-negotiables. She wrote them out and had a friend, aka accountability partner, sign off on it with her saying that she wouldn’t settle for anything less than those in a relationship. The same is true for setting physical boundaries in a relationship. You both have to be on the same page and agree up front to those boundaries! 

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Sex is a powerful and beautiful thing, created by GOD! He created it to be within the covenant of marriage though. Tori uses this example: Say you’re somewhere and it’s freezing. God delivers a package on your doorstep with everything you need to build a fire. If you build the fire in the fireplace, where it’s meant to be built, it has the power to heat the whole house and keep you warm. If you build the fire in your bed, where a fire isn’t supposed to be built, it has the power to burn the whole house down. Sex is the same way. Within it’s intended confounds, it’s beautiful and brings two people together and honors God. Outside of those confounds, it has the power to burn the whole relationship down. 

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If you’re hearing this and you’re feeling shame because you keep failing in this area. I want you to hear us when we say that God’s grace and mercy is sufficent for YOU! The first thing you need to understand is that in that moment, God has never loved you more. This isn’t an excuse to ever abuse His grace and mercy. When we understand in our HEART what Jesus did on the cross, and the depths of his grace and love for us, it fills us with thankfulness and gratitude for the sacrifice He made for US!

Then, remember these boundaries are not meant to be restrictive, but rather for our own flourishing. When we understand that God has put these boundaries in place for our own good, it can help us to make better decisions and to honor God in our relationships.

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