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Height in Dating

with

Kait Tomlin

Let’s talk height in dating…

Do you have a “preference” in height when looking for a partner?

Here’s the reality… We treat preferences like non-negotaibles all the time.

And then we get stuck thinking there are NO eligible singles out there.

When really what you’re often doing is limiting yourself from potentially amazing people simply because you’re not open to budge on a preference.

You may want to blame the world, blame your city, blame men, blame God even… but what if the only thing to blame is your really strict preferences? Let’s talk about what your strong preferences could be driven by and WHY you shouldn’t treat height as a non-negotiable…

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In This Episode

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Is your Height Preference driven by a need for protection?

Who told you someone taller is stronger and will keep you safe? Is that really TRUE? 

It may be what has been portrayed in the media… but is it REALLY ACCURATE? I don't believe it is…

I have seen PLENTY of shorter guys who are insanely strong. I have seen some insanely TALL guys who are incredibly WEAK and can’t throw a punch.

Are you willing to go into the layers of why you believe a taller man is more protective? Is that REALLY true? Are you willing to challenge your mindset and maybe even change it?

If you want a man taller than you to protect you this means…

A 5’9” man would be great at protecting his 5’5” girlfriend, but would be terrible at protecting his 5’11” girlfriend… AGAINST THE SAME MAN. The math simply doesn’t line up. According to this math a 5’9” guy is ONLY capable of beating a man up if his girlfriend is SHORTER- LOL. But if she’s taller, he suddenly cannot throw a punch at all???

Another thing to consider...

Is your height preference driven by body image or personal insecurity?

Over the years, I’ve seen insecurities with one's body can be a driving force for height preference. This is something I also have struggled with… 

Most guys I dated were my height or slightly above. And ironically I dated those guys when I had the MOST body image issues in my life. I also worked in fashion and wore heels constantly making me even taller.

All of this led to me feeling personally “bigger” than the person I was dating.

This was driven by MY issues with my body, my own body shame, my own view of myself. And in fact, THAT is something that I realized needed healing.

Eventually, I dated a REALLY healthy and amazing man who was only ½ inch taller than me. Though I still had some body image issues, I was SO grateful I didn’t write that person off just because of their height.

So if you are insecure about your body and that’s why you don’t want to date someone your height, a little shorter or a little taller… then I have to ask you…

If you dated someone taller, would that reconcile the way you thought about yourself? Would it truly help you conquer your insecurity or body image issues, or would it be a small bandaid to a much bigger gaping hole that needs freedom and healing?

Another thing to talk about my friends….

Is your height preference driven by cultural standards?

Another fear I hear from women about their height preferences is that they fear what other people will think- would people laugh or look at them weird?

If that’s you… maybe this is an amazing opportunity to break that!

Proverbs 29:25 (MSG) says, “The fear of human opinion disables; trusting in God protects you from that” … WOW!!!

Many of us are hyper-focused on the opinions of others and we don’t even realize it. In a sense, some of us have become addicted to the approval of others.

Another translation (GNT) of that same verse says, “It is dangerous to be concerned with what other people think of you, but if you trust the Lord, you are safe.”

When you give more weight to the opinions of others than you do to God’s opinion, you’ll stay on the sidelines when God wants you in the game. You’ll stay locked up in a prison of self-made fear.

I bring up all these things, NOT because I am saying you should throw ALL your height preferences out the window, but rather, I do want to encourage you to challenge yourself.

Is your height preference something you are SO strict about to the point of potentially idolizing?

Is it something that’s limiting your dating prospects? Do you always swipe left on a guy on an app who isn’t your height preference?

Is it making you feel like no good ones exist?

Is it driven by something in you that needs healing, like people pleasing or body image or your idea of feminine and masculine?

I say date the unexpected, and God just may DO the unexpected.

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