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The One, X Factor, Ghosting, Love at First Sight, The Friendzone, and So Much More

with

Jonathan Pokluda

Heart of Dating is thrilled to welcome Jonathan “JP” Pokluda to Heart of Dating today!

JP is the Lead Pastor of Harris Creek Baptist Church in Waco, TX. He was formerly the leader of The Porch in Dallas, TX which grew to be the largest weekly young adult gathering of its kind in the country. JP didn’t come to understand the grace of the Gospel until his early twenties after being involved in different denominational churches his entire life. This ignited a desire in him to inspire young adults to radically follow Jesus Christ and unleash them to change the world. His best-selling book, Welcome to Adulting, offers millennials a roadmap to navigating faith, finding a spouse, finances, and the future. Following the release of Welcome to Adulting, he wrote Welcome to Adulting: Survival Guide, that provides a 42-day guide to surviving adulthood. JP’s most recent release, Welcoming the Future Church, inspires ministry leaders to keep their churches young, because Millennials, Gen Y and Gen Z are the future of the church. His next book, OutDated, releases in March and was written after years of observing the changing landscape of dating. JP's partner in ministry is Monica, his wife of sixteen years, and together they disciple their children Presley, Finley, and Weston.

On today’s episode, JP and Kait unpack a lot of stigmas, whether it’s “The One” or spark and chemistry or the slow burn in dating. Plus, JP shares four straightforward steps to dating well.

What is your prayer for the single and dating people who are going to read OutDated?

  • JP reflects on the challenges and division our country faces right now. 
  • Even though it seems like dating is a different concern, the state of our country starts when boy meets girl and together they build community.
  • “If you change dating, you change the world.” - JP

Let’s debunk the stigma of “The One.”

  • The idea of “The One” puts so much pressure on you, when God has a mysterious will.
  • The math doesn’t work out for one man for every woman.
  • We should celebrate the fact that we don’t have to find a needle in a haystack.
  • Some people will say they don’t want to continue getting to know a person after a first date because they didn’t feel like they were “The One.”
  • Looking for “The One” is keeping us from finding someone who could be a great fit.

Unpacking “the spark” and “the slow burn.”

  • Chemistry is important, but make sure you’re looking for your main deal breaker: their heart for God. 
  • Kait reflects on a moment of rejection when a guy she was dating met a girl and ended things with Kait because he realized she never had that “X factor.”
  • “All I’ve done is train for divorice because I would date somebody until I didn’t feel the feelings for them anymore and then we’d break up.” - JP
  • JP talks about the safeness in a relationship when you have the slow burn.
  • “You’re looking for a partner in ministry.” - JP
  • “Love is forged, not found.” - JP

What’s the deal with physical attraction?

  • When you find yourself saying “they’re not my type,” what you’re really saying is you’re mistaking your preferences for non-negotiables.
  • Kait reflects on an experience where she nearly cancelled a date because she didn’t think he was her type. Spoiler alert: she became very attracted to him after a few dates.

How to date well

  • Identify marriage as an assignment.
  • Identify what a partner would need to do the assignment with you.
  • Determine what type of environment you need to spend time with this potential partner in to see if they can do the assignment with you.
  • Communicate honestly and say everything with kindness.

Dating can be fun, but don’t date for fun

  • Remove the pressure and see dating as a way to get to know another child of God.
  • Dating can be fun, but you have to be intentional in the process.
  • JP unpacks how you can date without getting a broken heart.
  • Guys are asking out the same girls over and over and always getting “no”s.
  • Guys need to take initiative and pursue the women they maybe hadn’t originally considered.

Communication

  • Kait and JP unpack the realities of ghosting in dating.
  • JP gets real about the fact that if you’re unable to have clear conversations with people, then you’re not ready to date.
  • Kait talks about how personalized rejection feels, when really it is rarely about you.

What is your final nugget of dating advice:

  • Singleness is a gift and you are not JV to the married. Find enjoyment in that.
  • An assignment from JP: take out a pen and paper and journal on “What is marriage?” and “What type of person do I want to complete this assignment with?”
  • An assignment from Kait: journal on “What do I have to offer in a relationship?”

Connect with JP!

Follow JP on Instagram HERE

Order JP’s book, OutDated, HERE

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Jonathan Pokluda

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