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Today Kait and JJ are joined by a member of our community, Sarah Dickmann to talk about being an “older” single, and even navigating fertility.
Introduction
As of now, you’re 39 years old! And at this time in your life as an “older” single, you’ve admitted you’ve started facing some hard questions. What are some of those for you?
When it comes to wrestling with possibly giving up the dream of kids… what has that been like. As an older single you end up giving up a lot of dreams…What did you say to God in that moment where you felt like you may have to give up that dream?
Your mentor Barbara said to you, “Jesus is the shepherd, and He calls you His sheep” The question for you and for anyone wrestling with disappointment is… do you really believe He is the Shepherd? Do you believe He is YOUR shepherd? Do you really believe He is writing a story that is better than the one you are writing for yourself? What has that been like for you?
What are just some absolute FAUX PAUX’s… things you hate that people say or do or assume about you or to you at this point in your life?
As you’ve gotten older, have you experienced wanting to lower your standards or regret the past and not going farther into some relationships?
What’s up Heart of Dating fam??? We’re back this week with another episode in season 12 all about tools to THRIVE in singleness. Today we have the absolute honor and privilege to have one of our own members of the community, Sarah Dickmann with us. You guys, she’s FULL of wisdom and we are so excited to get this episode into your hands! In the conversation today, we’re talking about being an “older” single and what that feels like. Sarah also shares some of her story about figuring out another way to have children…because hello that’s real! This episode is inspiring and real and we can’t wait so let’s dive right in!
Sarah was a 4x7 speaker at Heart of Dating Conference Nash in December 2023 and her talk was DEPENDENT and IGNITED FOR GOD. So many were so moved and inspired by Sarah’s talk so we want to talk about a few things you hit on during that talk.
Sarah shared at HODC Nash and here that she’s starting to face the prospect of being 39 and the ticking clock for women that may not be ticking as quickly for men. She went to her doctor in early Decmeber of 2023 and said hey I want to start talking about fertility. The doctor told her that she wouldn’t be a good doctor if she didn’t talk to her about considering sperm donation or to freeze her eggs. For Sarah, it felt like suddenly all this fear was suddenly a reality. So this is one of the biggest things that she’s faced and one of the toughest questions of, “am I going to be able to have children?,” “am I going to meet someone before that age and what happens when I meet them?,” “what if I can’t have children?”
Sarah is one of NINE kids and she LOVES children. She’s always wanted to have a family, always said she wanted 4-6 kids, a bigger family and as she’s aged that number has gone down. But having to come face to face with these questions has caused her to ask God, “God are you really going to ask me to give up my dream of having kids?” That has been something she’s really wrestling with.
Sarah works full-time so she after that appointment she actually went back to work and spent all afternoon fighting back tears. She texted a few of her friends who are in her board of advisors (shout out School of Dating) and told them what the doctors had said and that she was really struggling and asked them to pray for her. One of them messaged her back and was like, “do you want to go walking tonight? We can talk.”
So number one was having a community is hugely vital!
She also knew though that her and God needed to have a conversation. Sarah is quick to say that God can handle our emotions, he already knows that we’re angry at him he just wants us to tell him. We can’t process and work through that anger without first letting him know where you’re at.
So Sarah went walking with her friend and she cried with her and then she went home, got in the shower and just started crying and telling God what she was feeling and where she was at. She asked him the question, “are you really going to ask me to give up this dream?”
Sarah says that one of the things that isn’t really talked about is that singles as they age, have to embrace the fact that certain dreams are given up just because of time. She’s not saying that younger singles or people who get married aren’t giving up dreams because that’s not true, but the reality is you can never get back time, and you never stop aging.
Sarah has had to give up a lot of dreams that she’ll never see come to reality or at least how she thinks they should come to reality.
So processing with the Lord looked like a good hour and a half in the shower crying, talking to the Lord and being really honest about how she was feeling.
For women and for men too, so often we can allow the feelings to overwhelm. That’s not saying that feelings aren’t valid, because they are, they’re just not always true.
First, giving voice to those feelings. Sarah says this is something she’s actually gone to therapy for becuase she’s really good at trying to avoid her feelings.
Second, walk in the truth of what scripture says. Even when it doesn’t FEEL that way, asking yourself, okay what does the bible say? Psalm 23 is the scripture Sarah shared in her 4x7. If you really look at the scripture you see that the shepherd is actually walking with his sheep making sure they have the greenest grass and cleanest water, through storms and rain. Asking God to help your unbelief, to show up in this because you feel so alone right now.
If the shepherd saw 5, 10, 17, 23, 35, and 39 year old Sarah and didn’t think she was worth it despite it, but thought she was worth it with it, with all of it, then her story has to be pretty amazing. It has to be because he’s writing it and it was worth dying for. And your story is too!
“It’ll happen when you least expect it.”
“It’ll happen when you’re most content.”
“You’re just not putting yourself out there enough.”
“You’re just too desprate and you’re putting yourself out there too much.”
“Do you even want to be married?”
“Just enjoy your singleness, marriage is so hard.”
“Enjoy travel, you’ll never get to travel again.”
Singleness and marriage are great, but Jesus is the best. - JJ
Sometimes we’re given gifts that don’t seem like gifts but they’re meant to be a blessing to others.
Sarah has BEEN THERE. Even in the short 2024 were in she’s thought, maybe she should change something. But then she remembers the most important thing, Jesus.
School of Dating really helped her as far as lowering her standards. Figuring out her non-negotiables and not swaying from those. She has her board of advisors who give her counsel.
Have a solid relationship with the Lord and a solid community around you. Community, community, community!!!!!
Sarah is a 39-year-old, curly red head located in the sunny state of Florida. She loves the beach, being active, and spending time with friends or family. Adventures bring Sarah joy - whether it's trying a new food or traveling to a new country, Sarah is in for the fun and comfort stretching that often come with new experiences. Her heart's desire is for others to feel and know the love of God and she seeks to express that in her interactions with everyone she meets.
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