• Dr. Juli Slattery says that unresolved shame always makes us want to hide—from God, from each other, even from our own hearts. It makes us feel we’re unlovable or unworthy.
• She also points out that doubts around sexuality (Is God’s design for sex actually good? Can I trust Him with this part of me?) are often deep questions about God’s character, not just about sex.
• Most of us are wrestling with one or both: shame that feels impossible to shake, or real doubts about whether God is trustworthy with our sexuality.

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• Whether you have a “big sexual past” or you grew up in purity culture (or both!), shame finds a way in. It can come from what we’ve done, what’s been done to us, our bodies, trauma, or even just desires.
• Dr. Juli Slattery reminds us: All shame feels heavy, but not all shame is “truthful.” Some shame is a flat-out lie about our worth, often tied to body, trauma, or things that happened TO us—not because of us.
• The gospel means confessed sin is GONE and the accusations are lies. We’re called to be “good confessors of sin, not good concealers of sin.”

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• Withholding part of ourselves (even 20%) from God isn’t just “no big deal”—it’s the exact part where the enemy gets a stronghold. That hidden or unsurrendered place “yields things in your life that are destructive and that actually compromise the 80% of your life that you’re really trying to surrender to the Lord.”
• JJ shares vulnerably about porn addiction and how even a small, hidden part of shame “seeps into everything else.”

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• Kait and Dr. Juli Slattery urge us not to jump straight to “what can I do/not do?” lists. Sexual sin struggles are often rooted in IDENTITY. Our sense of who we are—not just what we do.
• Identity traps Dr. Juli Slattery names:
  
  • Self-discovery trap: “My desires = my truth.” (Spoiler: NOT the gospel!)
  • Relationship trap: “If someone wants me, I am valuable. If not… I’m not.”
  • Performance/shame trap: “I am as pure as my behavior” (Legalism, anyone?)
• The first step to breakthrough: RECOGNITION. Realize, name, and honestly share these traps out loud in safe community.
• The second step: Root yourself in the truth of God’s word and surround yourself with safe, truth-bearing people.

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• Dr. Juli Slattery says sexual shame is uniquely powerful (“your memory for sexual sin can haunt you”), but not more unforgivable or damning than other sins. God’s forgiveness covers sexual sin fully—but the level of vulnerability means it often feels heavier, more haunting.

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• It’s not an instant pass/fail. Sexual wholeness is a process, often a “stumbling journey toward Jesus.” Try to be a “good confessor of sin, not a good concealer” and keep quick accounts with God and safe people.
• Breakthrough often starts in honest, safe community (think: online book studies, support groups, or trusted mentors) where you can actually name and process what you’re carrying.

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• Anticipate temptation and make wise choices BEFORE you’re in the toughest situations (like: don’t be alone late at night with your boyfriend/girlfriend if you know you’ll be tempted).
• If you’re already there, remember: you’re not alone (“every temptation is common”), and there is always a way out (even if it means enduring discomfort for a bit). Have an escape plan, call a friend, change locations, or do something else to ride it out.
• It’s okay to endure the discomfort—intense desire passes; it doesn’t define you.

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What If I Don’t Even Feel That Bad About It?

• If someone feels “meh” about their sexual sin or isn’t bothered, Dr. Juli Slattery would ask, “What does your relationship with God actually mean to you?” Is your life about you, or about loving and knowing Him?
• Ultimately, “living for yourself and your own pleasure” is a deeper spiritual issue—WAY more significant than just what you do with your body.

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