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The Truth About Engagement


Kait Warman & JJ Tomlin

Kait & JJ talk about the truth of engagement including before engagement, engagement season, and the top things they have learned.

Before Engagement

  • Building a framework for marriage 
  • We recommend pre engagement AND pre marital counseling 
  • HIGHLY recommend the Symbis test
  • It’s all about AWARENESS
  • MARRIAGE MOMENTUM = How healthy your marriage may be. 
  • We both have  RESOLUTE MINDSET = You are a true believer when it comes to matrimony.In fact, you have the highest marriage motivation of any other category. You are more than twice as likely as your peers to say:"Divorce is not an option." You are marrying for life. You resonate with words like devotion, dedication, and commitment. More than others, you are likely to want to have children at some point, too. In fact, only 2% of Resolutes say they never want children.
  • Social Support - You’re marrying a set of circumstances as well as each other. Being aware of how your two worlds combine on a practical level is essential to making sure they don’t collide on an emotional level. Support of friends and family for our relationship. My relationship with my in-laws. Network of mutual friends we both enjoy.
  • Finances - Your financial skills, attitude and history, make up an important part of the context you’re bringing into marriage. A healthy “money talk” will curtail countless currency conflicts. Good thing is we discussed FINANCIAL FEARS
  • Expectations - Making your roles conscious: for most people, the biggest part of their “context” is what they unconsciously learned about their role as a spouse from their family of origin.
  • Dynamics - Here’s a snapshot of your two personalities–their similarities and differences. There’s no right or perfect combination, the key is understanding and appreciating your differences. Kait is ENERGIZING, JJ is Unwavering
  • Analyzing Differences - Big thing for us is that we are the opposite. We had to accept the other person’s differences as THEIR strengths instead of seeing them as weaknesses.

Engagement Season

  • It's not a walk in the park. It can be fragile. Combining lives is HARD WORK. It's stretching.
  • There are a LOT of exciting things happening… AND a TON of pressure on all of them
  • There is a LOT of surrendering expectations. Both partners often have DIFFERENT desires.
  • Write down your TOP 3 NON NEGOTIABLES for the wedding- SUPER helpful
  • There is a LOT to learn about the reality of LIVING together and doing LIFE together daily. You get WAY more of a taste in this in engagement

Some Of The Top Things We Learned

  • Prioritize Connection and FUN - Life can get SO busy that you don’t go on dates anymore. Suddenly everything is a serious convo and all your hangouts become planning sessions or binge watching shows. We have had to be SUPER intentional to carve out 1 night for wedding planning and 1 night for date night every week
  • Guard Unity - You are going to have differing opinions and ways of doing things. You will have to sacrifice. You will have to seek to understand. You need to remember the ultimate goal here- to SERVE GOD Through your marriage... NOT to get every single little thing you ever wanted exactly as you want it.
  • Have boundaries - in EMOTIONAL conversations especially around things like merging lives, finances, the wedding. You need dedicated space to talk about those things.
  • Find REST - You need to both have time off from seeing one another and talking about ALL THE THINGS in this season. You need time to reconnect with yourself and God. You need time to see your friends and laugh. As much as possible, prioritize time for rest and rejuvenation.
  • It's not sunshine and rainbows, but this season will teach you SO much and can be so rewarding if you approach it with surrender, boundaries, and connection.

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Kait Warman

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Kait Warman is a best-selling author, speaker, popular relationship coach, and the founder of Heart of Dating. She helps thousands of men and women on their journeys through the conversations on the Heart of Dating Podcast, which launched in 2018. 

Through her ministry, Kait’s mission is to empower both men and women to have the courage to own their story, walk in victory, thrive with purpose, and discover clarity and vision in their life and relationships. In her new book, Thank You for Rejecting Me: Transform Pain into Purpose and Learn to Fight for Yourself, Kait vulnerably shares how she grew through her deepest, darkest rejections and offers readers the tools to heal from the past, take back their power, and walk in strength, victory, and love into their future. Kait currently lives in the Los Angeles area and loves sunshine, walks, Jesus, and lip syncing to Celine Dion.

JJ Tomlin

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JJ Tomlin is a missionary kid born in Belgium, originally from Tennessee, and currently residing in the OC. He currently works in Gaming/E-Commerce, enjoys watching his Tennessee Titans on Sundays with his Goldendoodle Teddy and loves working with Christian men to raise the bar in singleness and dating.

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