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HOD Select: Casual Dating Tell All

with

Carrie Lloyd and Kat Harris

Today Kait is joined by Carrie Loyd and Kat Harris to talk about their dating lives, specifically, non-exclusive dating. 

Carrie could you tell us about your new book?

  • Carrie released a book titled Prude: Misconceptions of a Neo-Virgin
  • She talks about her journey of coming back to abstinence after years of being an atheist

Kat, could you talk about your upcoming book Sexless in the City?

  • It’s about Kat growing up in an evangelical, bible belt environment
  • She talks about how she moved to NYC and really challenged those thoughts about purity and sexuality when it came to the bible and she wanted to search for a healthy sexual ethic when it came to her values and scripture that is not rooted in shame.

Kait talks about how she’s been practicing “Non-exclusivity” in dating. She asks the thoughts of Kat and Carrie on this:

  • Carrie talks about how she’s been trying to date with a mindset of “abundance” rather than scarcity
  • Kat questions why we’ve decided “casual dating” is bad and challenges to change the definition of it.
  • Kat talks about how some things are not inherently bad or wrong, and we need to put more weight on heart posture
  • We, as Christians, assume way too much in Christian dating.
  • Casual dating is not the same as “disposable dating” which is just looking to getting our needs met.
  •  Kat talks about how christians often judge others for passing physical boundaries, yet we’re very good at pushing emotional and spiritual boundaries

Carries asks Kait what she’s learning in taking on a new approach of “non-exclusivity” in Christian dating.

  • Kait found that she’s seen her emotional levels when it comes to dating has been a bit more balanced
  • When youre taking the pressure off, you can enjoy that person more, learn about what they bring to the table, and be more aware of what YOU bring to the table.

What are some things someone could do to explore non-exclusivity?

  • Trust your gut and listen to your body and listen to your intuition. If something is bringing up a red flag for you, write it down and make note of it.
  • Give grace to yourself in knowing it won’t always be perfect.
  • Be curious when it comes to dating.
  • Pace yourself when it comes to dating and give yourself space to get to know someone over the long haul
  • Check that you feel safe in yourself so you know how you can communicate better with other people

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Kait Tomlin

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Kait Tomlin is a best-selling author, speaker, popular relationship coach, and the founder of Heart of Dating. She helps thousands of men and women on their journeys through the conversations on the Heart of Dating Podcast, which launched in 2018.

Through her ministry, Kait’s mission is to empower both men and women to have the courage to own their story, walk in victory, thrive with purpose, and discover clarity and vision in their life and relationships. In her new book, Thank You for Rejecting Me: Transform Pain into Purpose and Learn to Fight for Yourself, Kait vulnerably shares how she grew through her deepest, darkest rejections and offers readers the tools to heal from the past, take back their power, and walk in strength, victory, and love into their future. Kait currently lives in the Los Angeles area with her husband JJ and their pups Lovey and Teddy. She loves sunshine, walks, Jesus, and lip syncing to Celine Dion.

Kat Harris

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Kat Harris is the host of The Refined Collective Podcast, and Co-Founder of the online publication The Refined Woman. Her first book Sexless in the City hit bookstores April 2021. She has also been a full-time photographer for the last decade with her work featured in: The New York Times, WWD, Vanity Fair, GQ, Forbes, People, Who What Wear, US Weekly, Glamour UK, and more. 


She coaches and equips women all over the world in dating, relationships, singleness, sexuality, faith and how to build a renewed and healthy biblical sexual ethic rooted in freedom, truth and grace as opposed to the oh-so-common shame and fear narratives so many experienced growing up in evangelical culture. 


Kat loves God, personal development, a good Beyoncé dance party, + is a Ranch dressing connoisseur. She believes in the power of story, that done is better than perfect, quality triumphs quantity, and that the journey truly is the destination. Ultimately, her vision is for women to know their beauty, identity, worth and value and to experience untapped freedom and joy in their lives regardless of their relationship status.


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