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Godly Community


Kait & JJ Tomlin

A Great Date Question

  • Question: What is your old person habit?
  • JJ: Leaving voicemails, and old people cereal. 
  • Kait: Matching nightgown set, and thrilled to stay in on a Friday or Saturday night. 

Why is it important in LIFE?

  • COVID taught us the absolute VITALITY of community. We started to appreciate the things we once took for granted. We realized zoom meetings in some ways are not the same as in person gatherings.
  • Acts 2:42-47 The Fellowship of the Believers - 42 And they devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers. 43 And awe came upon every soul, and many wonders and signs were being done through the apostles. 44 And all who believed were together and had all things in common. 45 And they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need. 46 And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts, 47 praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved.
  • WISDOM - Helps to form and shape our decisions. God speaks through COMMUNITY. Proverbs mention Godly wisdom comes from the counsel of many.. 16 different times! 
  • ENCOURAGEMENT - Life is difficult, that is promised by Jesus! Adversity lays ahead. We were not built to go through life alone, nor really can we. We need the life-giving support of OTHERS. 
  • MATURITY- helps us to GROW -The expectation of every believer is that we are progressively growing in the knowledge of Jesus. Hebrews 10:24 - Provoking one another unto love and good works. Opposite of provoking anger, inciting a reaction. Which is likely what they were doing.  Let us - all of us - channel that energy into good works and love - agape love which is the deepest kind of love.
  • ACCOUNTABILITY-Helps to highlight BLINDSPOTS and potential sin. What is a blind spot? It’s quite literally something you cannot see. Think about that piece of feedback you did not see that caught you off guard. 
  • FELLOWSHIP-Acts 2:42,46 say the believers were devoted to breaking bread, from house to house, with joyful and sincere hearts. We don't pursue because we don't desire to feel alone. We pursue because of the GREAT joy. 

Why is it important in DATING?

  • We have blindspots -We need people who know us WELL to redirect us. 
  • We need it for the encouragement especially in the rejection. 
  • We need to GROW. The mistakes, the myths we believe, the communal accountability.
  • Sidenote - it is a GREAT indicator…If you want to truly see how mature somebody is spiritually, emotionally, don’t look at them, look at their community. How do they operate? 
  • Discernment - Just because they go to church and are FUN, doesn’t mean they are Godly. Some Communities are not that HEALTHY. How do you discern who to trust?

Litmus Test of Great Godly Community

  • INTENTIONALITY - Is it scattered or is intentional?? Keep being intentional even when it is hard.
  • COMMITMENT - Are people COMMITMED or is it skipped and depriortiized? 
  • JOYFUL - Is it joyful on a relational level, are there friendships? Or is it a drag, a chore to go, something you have to go because it is good for you on paper. Or vice versa is JUST fun.. no richness, just surface-level fun with no depth. 
  • TRUST - Is there true deep trust or is it surface level? You want STRONG trust<< which is built through TIME. TRUST comes from knowing people and relying on people. It also comes from people TRULY knowing you (which leads into our next pillar…vulnerability)
  • Vulnerability - Do you feel emotionally safe with these people? Do they feel emotionally safe with you? Have to be willing to share your weakness, pains and struggles with them.
  • Humility - Be open to be called out and redirected- by humble to reflect. 

Why is it so hard to form?

  • Hard to form later in life based on situation >> many people have gotten married or had kids and community looks different. 
  • It is also hard…Because it takes TIME!!!! We have to SEEK it, FIND it, LABOR for it, WORK for it, CHASE it, STICK WITH IT.Keep being intentional even when it is hard.
  • We have to PUT ourselves out there relationally, emotionally, there is SOME risk. 

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JJ Tomlin

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JJ Tomlin is a missionary kid born in Belgium, originally from Tennessee, and currently residing in the OC. He currently works in Gaming/E-Commerce, enjoys watching his Tennessee Titans on Sundays with his Goldendoodle Teddy and loves working with Christian men to raise the bar in singleness and dating.

Kait Warman

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Kait Warman is a best-selling author, speaker, popular relationship coach, and the founder of Heart of Dating. She helps thousands of men and women on their journeys through the conversations on the Heart of Dating Podcast, which launched in 2018. 

Through her ministry, Kait’s mission is to empower both men and women to have the courage to own their story, walk in victory, thrive with purpose, and discover clarity and vision in their life and relationships. In her new book, Thank You for Rejecting Me: Transform Pain into Purpose and Learn to Fight for Yourself, Kait vulnerably shares how she grew through her deepest, darkest rejections and offers readers the tools to heal from the past, take back their power, and walk in strength, victory, and love into their future. Kait currently lives in the Los Angeles area and loves sunshine, walks, Jesus, and lip syncing to Celine Dion.

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