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Dating with Different Theological Backgrounds


Kait & JJ Tomlin

Join Kait and JJ as they navigate the hot topic of dating people with different theological backgrounds, defining theology, what the stats say, and so much more! 

A Great Date Question

  • What was one of your favorite childhood activities?
  • Kait: Neighborhood games
  • JJ: Fall Saturday mornings playing pee-wee football
  • Takeaway: great, personal question that gives you some fun information about one of their core joys.. Bonus here is that you could maybe use this information in a follow up date, gift, idea.. :) 

Define Theology

  • Theology = the study of God and your personal belief 
  • OR - how somebody studies, interprets and views God from their personal perspective
  • Theology is rooted in the truth of the Bible and yet is a deeply personal marred with cornerstores, passionate beliefs from personal history, calls from God and purpose! 
  • Example of non-negotaible, mutually agreed upon truth: Jesus is the way,  the truth and the life - this is a core, foundational truth of John 14:6 and salvation that is not up to personal interpretation.. Or rather, a cornerstone belief of our faith that we unanimously agree upon.
  • Convictions of scripure that are deeply nuanced, mysterious and have a few different opions debated by even biblical scholars.. These typically are what divide the sects of Christianity into denominations. (Ex. Gifts of the Holy Spirit)


  • 2 Billion+ Christians
  • 50% of these are Roman Catholic
  • Somewhere over 200 denominations in the US alone
  • Denomination splits and differences of opinion have existed since the birth of Christianity, even mankind. Jesus number one enemy on Earth besides the Enemy was the pharisees who were so blinded by their theology they missed the Savior walking in front of them! (Luke 10-11)  
  • Denominations actually were born out of the Reformation and Protestants  claiming that any believer could read scripture and have a personal relationship with God. But then, "the obvious problem emerged: Whose interpretation of scripture was the right one?
  • Scripture actually does not give a mandate for denominations, it actually gives a mandate for union and connectivity in Christ. (1 Cor 1:12, Titus 3:9)

Why does it cause so much more conflict in relationships than we care to admit?

  • It’s pride.
  • Ultimately, we are saying internally this: “my view is right because of XYZ, your’s is wrong..” 

What are we saying?

  • What we are NOT saying is throw theology out the window.
  • What we ARE saying is when evaluating their theology.. use the advice from Jesus himself:  "You shall know them by their fruits" (Matthew 7:16). 
  • That is, you can learn about them "in terms of what they do, their behavior,"  versus evaluating their theology, which anybody can rehearse and recite.. Even the pharisees could do that.
  • Here is the reality… Unless you are marrying a person from your literal church community, you are going to have to make compromises, sacrifices and concessions with your spouse’s theology. There will simply be this, agree to disagree and potentially some things you really care about. 
  • However, the most important theology is who is Jesus to them? How is he impacting their life today?!

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Kait Warman

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Kait Warman is a best-selling author, speaker, popular relationship coach, and the founder of Heart of Dating. She helps thousands of men and women on their journeys through the conversations on the Heart of Dating Podcast, which launched in 2018. 

Through her ministry, Kait’s mission is to empower both men and women to have the courage to own their story, walk in victory, thrive with purpose, and discover clarity and vision in their life and relationships. In her new book, Thank You for Rejecting Me: Transform Pain into Purpose and Learn to Fight for Yourself, Kait vulnerably shares how she grew through her deepest, darkest rejections and offers readers the tools to heal from the past, take back their power, and walk in strength, victory, and love into their future. Kait currently lives in the Los Angeles area and loves sunshine, walks, Jesus, and lip syncing to Celine Dion.

JJ Tomlin

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JJ Tomlin is a missionary kid born in Belgium, originally from Tennessee, and currently residing in the OC. He currently works in Gaming/E-Commerce, enjoys watching his Tennessee Titans on Sundays with his Goldendoodle Teddy and loves working with Christian men to raise the bar in singleness and dating.

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