Learning to trust again isn’t just about meeting “the right person.” According to Lysa, it’s a journey through three interconnected relationships:

1. Rebuilding Trust with God
You might feel betrayed by God when you walk through deep heartbreak—Lysa has. She holds space for asking, “God, where were you?” But the answer she found is that God doesn’t promise us ease, but He does promise us His presence. Sometimes, what was meant to harm you is, with time, used for good—maybe not for your comfort, but for your calling.

2. Rebuilding Trust with Yourself
Gaslighting and betrayal wounds often leave us doubting our own intuition. Lysa shares that healing began when she allowed herself to see red flags, to name what she saw and heard, and to trust her own discernment again. Acknowledge “the smoke”—if you sense something’s off, it’s worth paying attention.

3. Building Trust with Others Again
Lysa unpacks that “trust is the oxygen of relationships”—without it, connection suffocates. But trust isn’t instant; it’s built over time through consistent, believable behavior. That goes both ways: Don’t ignore red flags or rush the process. Healthy trust is patient and humble, and it creates safety for both people to be themselves.

Anyone who’s been through abandonment or betrayal knows the temptation to swing wildly on the trust spectrum. JJ Tomlin and Kait Tomlin talk through what this looks like:

• Overtrust: Minimizing red flags, maximizing “scraps of love,” and rushing in because you crave the security or hope of a fresh start.
• Cynical Distrust: Becoming hypervigilant, writing people off at the first sign of imperfection, assuming everyone will let you down.

Both extremes are self-protection. They make sense! But the real goal is “wise discernment”—having hope while also verifying over time, and letting trustworthy people prove themselves.

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One of the most underrated tools in healing and dating? A board of advisors—a circle of trusted friends or mentors who help you see clearly when you’re tempted to minimize or catastrophize. Lysa says her “personal board of directors” kept her grounded and accountable, reminding her when she started repeating unhealthy patterns. Community wisdom is for everyone, regardless of age or relationship history!

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Let’s end with HOPE. If you’ve been through an unwanted divorce or deep betrayal, you are not disqualified. Your story is not over. Healthy, God-honoring love—with yourself, with God, and with others—is possible. Lysa and Chaz are living proof that redemption is real, even after decades and deep wounds.

There are safe people out there. There is healing. There is purpose beyond your pain, and there’s a future that looks different—and maybe even more beautiful—than you dreamed. Don’t settle. Don’t give up. Surround yourself with wise people, approach yourself and others with grace, and keep hoping in the God who sees every detail of your journey.

We’re so grateful for Lysa TerKeurst sharing her heart and wisdom. For more, grab her book “Surviving an Unwanted Divorce”—and check out Heart of Dating’s free dating personality quiz at heartofdating.com/quiz to dive deeper into your own story.

HOD fam, you are deeply seen, fully loved, and worthy of healthy, safe, hope-filled love—right where you are.

Transcript here!