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What If You Have Been Ghosted

with

Kait Tomlin & Hailey Kenyon

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Kait and Hailey define what ghosting is, if it’s appropriate to ever do it, and the differences between early on ghosting and relationship ghosting. 

What is ghosting?

  • When you’ve actually met someone/gone on a date with them and then you never hear from them again, you have been ghosted. But, if you connected on a dating app or social media and never met in person and they say nothing more then that’s not ghosting they may have forgotten. 

Have you ever ghosted someone?

  • Hailey: Yes, she has ghosted before. Right after high school she didn’t even know what ghosting was but did ghost him. It was during that time when she was emotionally unavailable. She ghosted because something else came along. It had nothing to do with the guy and everything to do with what was going on in her own life. 
  • Kait: Yes, she has ghosted before. Mostly it has been because of people pleasing because she didn’t want to hurt their feelings. We mask it by saying it’s for their own good when it’s actually for our own good in not wanting to have a hard conversation. Sometimes she ghosted unintentionally. She would genuinely get busy and ghost people unintentionally. 

Is it ever appropriate to ghost?

  • There may be very specific situations where it would be appropriate to ghost. Such as, if you feel in danger. If you get catfished or they aren’t who they said they are, aggressively messaging and you feel unsafe. 
  • If it’s aggressive, abusive, uncomfortable, catfishing it can be appropriate. If they don’t follow your boundary then yes you can ghost. 
  • It’s not typically the norm for there to be a situation where it’s appropriate to ghost. 
  • If you really have to justify it then maybe you shouldn’t be ghosting. 

Being Ghosted Early On

  • You’ve been on a few dates with the person, there is no indication that they’re no longer interested, and then for whatever reason you never hear from them again. 
  • You have to learn not to take this personally. It usually has nothing to do with you. 
  • You want to be someone’s first choice, so if they’re ghosting you, that’s a form of protection, you don’t want to be dating them. 
  • Switching your mentality to curiosity, compassion, and grace instead of all men or women suck our dating lives might be a lot better.

Relationship Ghosting

  • Hailey was in a pretty serious relationship, they had broken up and then got back together, he had expressed to her everyday, “I’m committed to you, I’m choosing you,” she was going through a really hard time and just needed him there as her friend when she didn’t hear from him for a week and he just fell off the face of the planet. This caused her to question what was wrong with her. It felt like the silent treatment, and a punishment. 
  • If you have been rejected in this way it’s important to focus on how to MOVE FORWARD instead of focusing on the WHY. Even if you knew why, it wouldn’t help you. 
  • When we try to figure out the why sometimes God is protecting us from the why and so finding out the why would hurt you way worse. God says not to eat from the tree of knowledge of good and evil. 

Final Takeaways

  • The guys Hailey has actually rejected instead of ghosting she has been able to maintain a friendship with. 
  • Leave people better than you found them. 
  • Even if they do feel hurt by the rejection, it’s not on you to make them not feel hurt, that’s their journey with God. 
  • More people appreciate the rejection rather than the ghosting. 

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Kait Warman

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Kait Warman is a best-selling author, speaker, popular relationship coach, and the founder of Heart of Dating. She helps thousands of men and women on their journeys through the conversations on the Heart of Dating Podcast, which launched in 2018. 

Through her ministry, Kait’s mission is to empower both men and women to have the courage to own their story, walk in victory, thrive with purpose, and discover clarity and vision in their life and relationships. In her new book, Thank You for Rejecting Me: Transform Pain into Purpose and Learn to Fight for Yourself, Kait vulnerably shares how she grew through her deepest, darkest rejections and offers readers the tools to heal from the past, take back their power, and walk in strength, victory, and love into their future. Kait currently lives in the Los Angeles area and loves sunshine, walks, Jesus, and lip syncing to Celine Dion.

Hailey Kenyon

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Hailey Kenyon is the Digital Marketing Coordinator at Heart of Dating. She has been with HOD since January 2022 where she stared out as an intern. Hailey is also a Content Creator & Communicator. She has a heart for seeing the younger generations walk out their faith boldly & love others deeply. You can follow her on instagram for daily stories and encouragement and check out her website as well!

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