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The Claim for The Traditionally Christian View of Marriage


Sam Allberry

Headshot of Sam Allberry

What’s the difference between being a gay vs. being same sex attracted?

  • Gay embraces more thant just sexual feelings, it’s an identifier and not just a descriptor
  • Temptation is not part of identity, we’re not defined by our past, we’re defined by our future
  • We have a new identity in Christ, and it’s not based on our sinful nature and temptations

Why are we so hyper focused on our ability to be in romantic relationships, or have a sexual relationship?

  • Culturally we’re defined by our beliefs and designs–sexual desire
  • We feel fulfilled when we express our sexual desires

How do we respond that our view of sexuality is dangerous and harmful to homosexuals?

  • We need to show people a much more compelling anthropology
  • We think that if we’re not sexually satisfied, we’re missing the best in life
  • We need to show people that we are more than our sexuality
  • Sexuality is not the be-all-end-all of life
  • You can have full human authentic fulfilled life without being sexually active

Why is it essential for someone that is same-sex attracted to deny themselves and take up their cross to follow Jesus?

  • Jesus is saying this to everyone, not just to LGBT people
  • There’s something in ourselves that needs to be denied in order for us to have real life
  • As we say no to ourselves and yes to Jesus, we become more our true selves
  • It’s deeper than sexual orientation, it’s about our spiritual orientation and it’s for all of us

Why does it feel like somebody who is same-sex attracted has to give up more than a straight person?

  • Whatever it is Jesus says you need to deny yourself
  • It’s a false equivalence that a straight person has less cost in their sexuality than a gay person
  • Whoever we are has to be given to Jesus
  • Denying ourselves for Jesus for anyone is hard for everyone, but we realize that walking in His ways is giving life to us
  • It’s superficial to gauge what other people are giving up just by superficial appearance
  • The cost of discipleship is equal for everyone
  • Don’t compare what you’re dealing with inwardly to what people are dealing with outwardly

Why do you fight for the traditionally christian view for marriage?

  • Because I am a follower of Jesus
  • Jesus teaches that marriage is between a man and a woman
  • Jesus’ definition of marriage is not in anyone's interest from the view of our sinful nature
  • None of us are lined up with Jesus when it comes to human sexuality
  • The idea of a man and a woman in marriage is a picture of Christ and the church
  • The ultimate reality is not in our sexual desires but it’s the bridegroom who comes and desires his bride
  • The sexual consummation in this life is but a very faint image

“I’d rather be single in Jesus world than to fulfill my sexual desire in my own world”

Why isn’t the faithfulness and commitment in a relationship what determines the moral goodness of a marriage rather than the genders of those involved?

  • It’s the male and female union that is the one flesh union in marriage
  • The presence of a virtue does not make the marriage morally justifiable
  • Faithfulness, commitment and loyalty don’t have to be sacrificed when you become a christian
  • You can show more faithfulness and commitment by loving them how God says you should rather than loving them the way you say you should

How do you handle someone who is same sex attracted?

  • The biggest struggle isn’t sexual temptation, it’s loneliness
  • Your friend doesn’t always need another Bible on why same sex relationships aren’t right
  • They need the family of God, people who would walk with them
  • The best response to temptation towards unhealthy intimacy is to cultivate healthy intimacy
  • Nurture and look for good healthy christian relationships
  • Seek the Bible

What do you say to someone who feels the weight of the struggle of same sex attraction?

  • Recognize that when it comes to sexuality Jesus levels the playing field, we’re all broken in our sexuality and need Jesus
  • If Jesus is not good news for a gay person, He’s not good news for anyone
  • We all need the same grace, all of us have the same heart condition, we all have fallen short of the glory of God
  • All of us need as much Jesus as the person next to us

What is your final nugget of dating advice?

  • Cherish the other person’s relationship with Jesus more than your relationship with them
Headshot of Sam Allberry

Sam Allberry

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Sam Allberry speaks around the world as a pastor, preacher and apologist. He is the author of Seven Myths About Singleness, Why Does God Care Who I Sleep With? and What God Has To Say About Our Bodies

Website IconPodcast Mic IconInstagram IconFacebook IconLinkedIn IconTick Tok IconTwitter IconYoutube IconCustom Icon

Website IconPodcast Mic IconInstagram IconFacebook IconLinkedIn IconTick Tok IconTwitter IconYoutube IconCustom Icon

Website IconPodcast Mic IconInstagram IconFacebook IconLinkedIn IconTick Tok IconTwitter IconYoutube IconCustom Icon
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