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Single During the Holidays


Kait and JJ Tomlin

Join Kait and JJ to talk about the hot topic of being single during the holidays as they give you so many good nuggets of truth and wisdom. 

How Does it Feel to be Single During the Holidays?

  • It feels LONELY, it also brings up COMPARISON, sometimes even depression.
  • We would love for this to be the best single holiday season you have ever had. You have a head start, a great opportunity to prepare and really make this special instead of sucky! 

How to find JOY and make space for GRIEF?

  • Combat Loneliness - We did a masterclass in The Singles Academy on this and it was SO powerful. 
  • Here are some myths about loneliness: You see you may go to a  MASSIVE sporting game with thousands of people-where you aren’t alone…. But you FEEL incredibly lonely. You can feel lonely at 2am, married, sleeping next to your spouse. You can also feel lonely as a single who has never dated. You can feel lonely after heartbreak or divorce. Loneliness comes in MANY shapes and sizes.
  • We talked about different kinds of loneliness:
  • Emotional loneliness - ”no one knows or understands my feelings, nor wants to hear them”
  • Relational loneliness- ”no one knows the real me and accepts me”
  • Missional loneliness- “my life has no meaning, i do not have a clear purpose”
  • Spiritual loneliness- “i am cut off from God, i cannot hear HIM, see Him, feel HIM” or “i feel like HE has forgotten about me” 
  • Physical loneliness- “ i have no one to share the load or these life experiences with” 
  • Situational loneliness- “ i am being excluded or left out of events or situations… the pandemic “
  • To truly change and combat loneliness, we must know ourselves better (e.g. the specific root and kind of loneliness we are feeling), know the Father.
  • At the heart, the antidote to our loneliness is connecting to GOD vertically (relationship with the Trinity) and connecting to GOD horizontally (relationship with humans) 

FAMILY PRESSURES/How to respectfully answer questions about your dating status from friends and family?

  • The infamous question “Why are you still single?” What should our answer look like?
  • Answer: “That’s right. Because I haven’t found someone worthy of the journey I am on.”
  • When people PRY about your dating life or want to set you up set BOUNDARIES. We must give generous assumptions…  and then you can tell them how it makes you feel.
  • Say “I know you don’t have any kind of negative intention with asking me that and you truly do care about it, and for me talking about my relationship status during the holidays can feel really hard. I’m constantly reminded of it in so many ways, I’d love to not talk about it this season.”

Set Boundaries

  • In the way you answer questions (like we talked about above)
  • Don’t go overkill on all the romcoms if it leads to more loneliness or sadness

What to do with the onslaught of social media posts

  • Brace yourselves. You have first christmas’s, engagements, baby announcements all coming.
  • You have two options: Mindset change and Set boundaries  
  • Mindset Change: View each scroll as a reminder of what can happen, versus what hasn't happened for you. Much more positive and allows us to celebrate with those people! We can look forward to the posts, can't wait to hear them, and it reminds us of God’s goodness through  other’s stories.
  • Boundaries: If you can't flip the mindset and struggle with a thought pattern or loneliness (totally OK), why set your path up with trip wires and triggers? 

What to do when everyone else is paired off?

  • Like is this in family / friendship circles?? 
  • This going to be really really hard, and is going to take a lot of self realization. I would view every time you feel that loneliness, that comparison, that FOMO in the pair off that this is your time to choose gratefulness and choose JOY… choosing to embrace the singleness, imma rock this solo and love it.. I am going to have fun pairing up with grandma, my little cousin, we are going to have more fun than everybody else.
  • What the couples wont tell you: They will mourn their singleness, they might be fighting right after that dinner, like the grass is greener sometimes and other times im like woof - cherish that singleness 
  • If it’s helpful, look back at fond time of life for you.. Especially the moments where life was good but you were not so grateful in that moment.. And cherish the singleness from that place.. 

Fun Ways to Celebrate as a SINGLE/ Single Solo Dates

  • GREAT time to meet OTHER singles- tons of holiday events!!!
  • Join TSA!!! Wherever you are traveling!
  • Celebrate how you like. 
  • Grab hot cocoa and go for a christmas light drive. 
  • Go hunting or golfing. 
  • Go to the movies solo. 
  • Sleep in. 
  • Host or co-host a party - yah great way to meet others and reconnect! 
  • Sibling sleep overs.
  • Mail letters to your favorite people - super great way to be an awesome friend
  • Dress up and go to a christmas party (virtual or in person) 
  • DROP THE HANKY (HEY - Pssttt - Every single is MORE open in the HOLIDAYS OK)
  • Make yourself your FAV fancy holiday meal and watch your favorite movie
  • Travel SOLO before or after.. Take advantage of that break and the travel downtimes for vacation spots.

Any benefits of being single at the holidays?

  • Family dynamics can be hard with couples- We now split time between states and multiple sets of parents
  • You have ABSOLUTE FREEDOM and AUTONOMY.. You only have to see your parents even if they are split it is still less complicated.. 
  • You can stay up till when you want
  • You can bounce from the house when you want 
  • You can say what you’d like 
  • You can eat whatever you want 
  • You can truly enjoy whatever makes you happy in your hometown, go see whatever friends you want..
  • No expectations 

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Kait Warman

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Kait Warman is a best-selling author, speaker, popular relationship coach, and the founder of Heart of Dating. She helps thousands of men and women on their journeys through the conversations on the Heart of Dating Podcast, which launched in 2018. 

Through her ministry, Kait’s mission is to empower both men and women to have the courage to own their story, walk in victory, thrive with purpose, and discover clarity and vision in their life and relationships. In her new book, Thank You for Rejecting Me: Transform Pain into Purpose and Learn to Fight for Yourself, Kait vulnerably shares how she grew through her deepest, darkest rejections and offers readers the tools to heal from the past, take back their power, and walk in strength, victory, and love into their future. Kait currently lives in the Los Angeles area and loves sunshine, walks, Jesus, and lip syncing to Celine Dion.

JJ Tomlin

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JJ Tomlin is a missionary kid born in Belgium, originally from Tennessee, and currently residing in the OC. He currently works in Gaming/E-Commerce, enjoys watching his Tennessee Titans on Sundays with his Goldendoodle Teddy and loves working with Christian men to raise the bar in singleness and dating.

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